Several commenters have recently suggested a Dean Dad reality show. It's not gonna happen – the pseudonym would be pretty much shot, and cameras don't do me any favors these days – but it's fun to think about.

The pilot episode:

Opening shot – the family at dinner.

(Farting sound)

TB, TG: DADDY!

DD: I didn't do it.

TW: Yes, you did.

(Cut to individual interviews)

DD: I really didn't.

TG: Silly Daddy.

TW: That's disgusting.

TB: (guilty smile)

montage, pop song, commercial break

Sweeping shot of college campus, students milling around, etc.

Shot of DD staring intently at computer screen.

Other dean walks in.

OD: Do you have that list of programs that haven't done their annual reviews yet?

DD: I think so. Let me check.

Shot of DD typing intently at computer. Montage, pop song, commercial break.

Return from break. Shots of autumnal campus, attractive students, city buses.

Speeded-up footage of middle-aged people walking into meeting room. Repeat three times.

Speeded-up footage of us walking out. Speeded-up music on soundtrack. Commercial break.

Return from break. Emperor's Theme from Star Wars plays against shot of office.

Kim Kardashian enters.

KK: I'm Kim! I just decided spontaneously to show up here unscripted for no particular reason!

DD: Who the %&^#(*)% are you?

KK's cell phone goes off. Ringtone of current pop hit. She leaves.

DD makes Jim Halpert face at camera. Montage, pop song, closing credits.

Scenes from next week:

Other Dean: Could you believe that?

Cut to DD, looking nonplussed. Angry faux-punk soundtrack.

Yeah, that should work. There's nothing teenagers like more than watching balding middle-aged people in offices. What could possibly go wrong?