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  • Confessions of a Community College Dean

    In which a veteran of cultural studies seminars in the 1990s moves into academic administration and finds himself a married suburban father of two. Foucault, plus lawn care.

What Runs Through My Mind During a Software Demo
July 15, 2010 - 8:57pm
  • Good God, I'm bored.
  • Maybe if I shift in my seat...
  • Nope. Still bored.
  • Ooh! A dropbox! However might it work?
  • Ayup, it drops. Color me impressed.
  • Why is the presenter staring at me? Am I rolling my eyes?
  • Try to look interested. Try to look interested.
  • Good God, I'm bored.
  • I bet celebrities don't have to watch dropbox demos.
  • I bet Lindsay Lohan doesn't have to watch dropbox demos.
  • I bet they don't even do dropbox demos in prison.
  • They should.
  • Naw, that's cruel and unusual.
  • What's she in for, anyway? Doesn't crime at least require actually doing something?
  • Maybe I should have turned to a life of crime.
  • Cool crime, though, not lame crime.
  • To “save,” hit “save.” Got it.
  • I wonder if those Witness Relocation people get to pick where they go.
  • I'd request San Francisco, maybe. Or Seattle.
  • And a cooler name, like “Brock Codpiece.”
  • Naw, then the kids would be little Codpieces. That wouldn't be right.
  • I wonder what the kids are doing right now?
  • They're probably swimming. That sounds fun.
  • I hope TG actually goes in the water this time.
  • She takes after me, poor kid.
  • Hey, it can add up numbers! Nice use of server space in 2010!
  • I wonder if I should get a Droid.
  • Nah, too big. Besides, what would I use it for?
  • Other than games during software demos, anyway.
  • At least I could hold it left-handed.
  • I don't know why they say only lefties are inconvenienced by the iphone. I sometimes hold phones in my left hand, too.
  • Does that mean I go both ways?
  • Just like Lindsay Lohan! But she doesn't have to sit through a software demo.
  • Look at all of us in here. I wonder what the hourly wage of everyone in this room adds up to.
  • Your tax dollars at work. Look, you can refresh the page!
  • He's looking at me again! Look like you care, look like you care...
  • I wonder if the tech guys think we're losers, running the demo on an xp machine.
  • Yes, I know how to type in a box. You can stop demonstrating now.
  • Anyone who misbehaves spends the night in the box.
  • Whatever happened to Broderick Crawford, anyway?
  • “What we have here is a failure to communicate.” God, that's true.
  • Didn't Broderick Crawford do some sort of California cop movie or something?
  • California. I'll miss it when it falls in the ocean.
  • Poor bastards.
  • Of course, in the ocean, you don't have to sit through software demos.
  • I'd like to be under the sea, in an Octopus' garden...
  • TG used to love that song. What is it about girls and Ringo?
  • Zooey Deschanel liked Ringo in that movie.
  • How the hell did the dweeb from Third Rock get Zooey Deschanel?
  • Third Rock was a good show. Surprisingly accurate about college faculty.
  • “Alpha order.” Nice. Just say “alphabetical.” Nobody's impressed.
  • Click “save.” Okay. Learned that one in '86, thanks.
  • They should 86 this presentation.
  • What does that even mean, anyway?
  • Brock Codpiece would know. He'd google it on his Droid, on his way to bust Lindsay Lohan out of prison. Then Broderick Crawford would catch him, and he'd spend the night in the box.
  • Sigh.
  • I wonder if I'll have time for lunch...
  • Click “close.”

     

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