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  • Drama Mama: Almost Home

    By Anjalee Deshpande Nadkarni August 7, 2008 8:52 pm

    Things that I wanted/needed to do this summer:

    1. Move into my new home.
    2. Get my son enrolled on preschool, daycare and find a new babysitter.
    3. Deliver a paper at my annual conference.
    4. Host a pre-conference for same conference.
    5. Lose 15 pounds.
    6. Write that article already.
    7. Begin dialogues for collaborations with colleagues in NY, Atlanta, LA and Pennsylvania.
    8. Save some money for someday Disney Vacation.
    9. Make a new 5 year plan.
    10. Redesign all my current classes to fit the new student body I will be teaching.
    11. Go through all the clutter in my work and home files and streamline.
    12. Get my son to pee and poop on the potty consistently, put on his own shoes and his own jacket.
    13. Visit all my old friends.
    14. Unpack.
    15. Unwind?

    Well, now that it’s wrapping up I can’t believe it’s almost over. Don’t get me wrong - I have been on the road all summer and I want to get home. Get home and find a new babysitter. Get home and unpack the boxes. Get home and finish prepping my fall classes. It’s just this massive list barely got touched. And this is the short list – let’s not even get to the house stuff or cleaning or investment stuff I planned on learning more about. Priorities, right? What are our priorities? Sometimes it just ends up being more reflection than action, what gets done.

    I didn’t lose 15 pounds. Not even 1 pound. I didn’t write that article or contact any collaborators. 5 year plan? Hah! I did get through the conference okay and I did find a nice preschool and daycare. And potty training is going alright; “consistent” might be stretching it a bit. It always seems like what gets done is what is most immediate – what fire to put out right now. Nothing like a toddler saying “I have to go now now now!” that can change your immediate course of action. Does anyone reading this ever feel like they need vacations after their vacations – or summers after their summers? If I just had one more month I am sure I could get two or three more of these knocked off – I’d feel ready, I’d feel prepared, I’d feel – relaxed? Maybe relaxed isn’t really in the cards for us academic parental types. And besides, if I had another month I’d probably have doubled the list anyway. Oh well. Bird by bird.

    Almost home.

    Okay so a very good friend read this entry and wanted you all to know that I

    1. Purchased a house and moved into it
    2. made new unexpected contacts
    3. worked on files at home
    4. did visit old friends and they visited me
    5. worked on classes and that they do not need to be completely re-designed anyway
    6. did have many moments of wonderful relaxation at beaches, lakes and taking a motorcycle ride over the continental divide

     

    In his estimation – I accomplished about 60% of the list, which he thought is more than “barely touched”. Note he didn’t mention anything about the potty training. But yes, perhaps some things did get accomplished after all. Many thanks to him, for all the reminders.

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Comments on Drama Mama: Almost Home

  • Posted by NJS on August 8, 2008 at 5:25am EDT

  • Potty training seems like more negotiation than the other things on your list. The rest have general processes to follow to reach the goal. Therefore it is a more difficult goal to reach in a set time period. (Of course, I do not yet have kids so I'm guessing...)

    Good luck negotiating with a toddler :).

  • yes, yes, and yes
  • Posted by Physiology Mama PhD on August 8, 2008 at 9:30am EDT

  • I hear you! This is why we need to move the whole country to 30 hour work weeks (since the 50's housewife isn't home to take care of things for us) or all hire personal assistants, maids, and professional organizers. Oh wait, then we would have to coordinate and supervise all of them! When did life get so complicated! I think one of my biggest struggles is learning to re-adjust expectations. What can I reasonably accomplish.

    BTW, any chance of creating a Mama PhD forum or discussion board instead of just a blog?

    I feel like there is potential to build community but that a blog is not right means to accomplish that goal.

  • I could have written your post!
  • Posted by English Mama PhD , Assistant Professor on August 8, 2008 at 10:20am EDT

  • Well, except for the relaxing on the beach part. I never made it to the beach. In the last year I finished my dissertation, went on the mob market, got a job, bought a house, moved to a new state, presented two papers at a major conference, and submitted an article (written years ago but not revised until then) for publication, but I'm still obsessing over the mental list of things that I didn't do. I didn't potty train (some progress this week, so maybe I can make my last week left count), I didn't finish that article that I worked so hard to network, I haven't finished my syllabi for the courses I'm about to start teaching, I haven't finished unpacking and organizing, and I'm still looking for a daycare.

    Isn't it easy to dwell on the things that we don't do rather than enjoy the things that we do accomplish? Thank you for your post. In taking stock of your accomplishments (and yes, I view them as such), I was able to step back and take stock of my own and cut myself a little bit of slack. We're really doing OK. And even if we just get to the immediate concern, at least we're keeping our heads above water while raising a toddler and having a job! Maybe that's good enough for now. My perfectionistic, overachieving brain certainly doesn't think so, but maybe the rest of me needs to take that part over for now for my own sanity.

  • Posted by anjalee , Thanks and Yes! on August 8, 2008 at 10:40am EDT

  • Thank you so much for your comments Physiology Mama PhD and English Mama PhD! So nice to hear common concerns and voices. I completely agree on the forum - I will speak to the Mama PhD higher ups and see what we can do. Having as many voices as possible to build a community seems the best way to go!

  • Summer lists
  • Posted by Aeron on August 8, 2008 at 4:05pm EDT

  • I loved this post!

    I used to make lists like this every summer and end up accomplishing about 50%. After watching me get depressed and anxious every August, my husband offered me some sane advice: "Why don't you try to write a list of the fewest things you could get done and still feel ok about the summer?"

    Now, instead of using the summer as a dumping ground for every fantasy about how my life could be (if I worked out every day, ate nothing but fruits and veggies, finished that book, redesigned by office and all of my courses, discovered the secret of life...), I treat it as a continuation of my normal life.

    Now, if only I can keep this sane approach during my sabbatical!

  • Posted by Psych Mama PhD on August 8, 2008 at 8:55pm EDT

  • My summer is much the same too, and I too am relieved and heartened to read others who feel like I do! We Moved to a new town (closer to work, the commute had to go!) and I moved my office to a new building, and well, other than the immediate stuff that had to get done (I am on the IRB), I didn't touch my work list. Syllabi are untouched, office is unpacked; though most of the house is now in order. I had to do that first, because whatever doesn't get done before classes start won't get done until next summer. So next summer, maybe I'll write those papers, redesign those classes, and such? I guess I should be happy that it only took my toddler a month to adjust to the new house (she is now calling home, home, rather than calling day care home!).

    Thanks everyone, for the reality check.

  • Bird by bird, indeed
  • Posted by Caroline , Co-editor, Mama, PhD at independent on August 12, 2008 at 5:05am EDT

  • I loved this post, too! I'm forever making lists like this, getting discouraged, and then being grateful when someone, like your friend, can show me the alternate list of things I have accomplished. Congratulations on all you've done this summer, and good luck settling into the new house/school/routine!

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