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  • Drama Mama: Nervous

    By Anjalee Deshpande Nadkarni October 10, 2008 3:54 am

    This blog doesn’t count for scholarship. My published essay in Mama PhD doesn’t count for scholarship. My participation in a panel on motherhood and academia later this month? That might count as service, but not scholarship. Unless I take the essays and turn them into a musical (and subsequently get the musical published and produced- on Broadway preferably) there just isn’t any way these issues of motherhood and academia can connect to my discipline. Not conventionally anyway. This side of my work has always been more a labor of love than one that could add length and strength to my CV.

    So although I was thrilled to be accepted for the anthology and feel very proud of my contribution to it, I must admit I was a little freaked out when a colleague from my university called and asked if I’d like to be a part of a panel on the book. Don’t get me wrong, I am excited and I think it will be a great topic to discuss, but there is this worry. We all know this worry. The worry that if this becomes a topic of conversation, an “issue” – that somehow my bosses, my deans, my department will all know. That I have “issues”. Work issues, home issues, balance issues. That this whole magic curtain thing is a sham and I am about to expose the short silly little wizard.

    I am concerned because I just got here and I don’t want to be labeled. At my last institution, they warned me about speaking out this way because it would seem like I was asking for “special privileges”, speaking out about being a mother and how it affects tenure and promotion. I know this is a different situation and from everything I’ve seen here they are amazingly supportive but somehow that doesn’t allay my anxiety. I have heard the most successful moms in academia are the ones that lie – the ones that say they have to grade papers when they actually have to pick up their kid from day care. I haven’t had to lie here but I also haven’t always been particularly public outside my department. I suppose someone who actually writes a blog can’t really claim to be a private person.

    But I can safely say only a handful of my colleagues seem to really read this blog so I still felt relatively anonymous. I sort of kept the whole thing under wraps on purpose. I was trying to be careful, be cautious, be discreet – with my “issue”. To be clear, my son is not the “issue”. My ability to balance successfully, that’s the issue. And now all my dirty diaper/cap&gown laundry will be on display. In panel form. Yikes. So yeah – I’m a little nervous.

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Comments on Drama Mama: Nervous

  • Dr. Mom of Adult Children
  • Posted by Dr. L. on October 10, 2008 at 1:15pm EDT

  • This is my first time reading this blog and I must say it's a breath of fresh air. Women are the masters of juggling demanding schedules. So it's great to have a forum where we can share ideas and thoughts on finding our balance between being an academic and Mom (not necessarily in that order). I have two adult daughters. Both are in college. One is married with 2 daughters under 3 yrs old. The other daughter lives at home. My life is just as busy as it was 10 years ago when they were in middle school. I've now become the unofficial career advisor, coach, financial ad counselor, mentor, editor, spiritual guru, and nurturer for both of my daughters and my youngest daughter's boyfriend. It's really interesting being Dr. Mom. But I do love this new role at this point in life. They consult with me on matters from relationships to how to format papers. The beauty is that they listen and appreciate everything! It's a pleasure to watch and be a part of their personal journeys as young adults.-- Do you hear a symphony playing in the background? :)

  • Mama, PhD: The Musical!
  • Posted by Caroline , coeditor, Mama, PhD on October 10, 2008 at 1:55pm EDT

  • We made a trailer, maybe a musical's not so far-fetched... :)

  • feeling nervous
  • Posted by Aeron Haynie on October 11, 2008 at 1:00pm EDT

  • Anjalee,

    How folks on your campus will react to a Mama, PhD panel (i.e. you "outing" yourself as someone who is concerned with these issues) really depends on your university. From what you've said, folks at your new job are very supportive. They should be grateful to have hired a professor who will help them address this pressing issue. After all, it's in the institution's interest to retain talented female faculty!

    Of course, as people like "Ms. Mentor" would tell you, getting tenure is as much about how well you "fit in" as your publications. Collaborating with another colleague on your campus, however, sounds like a good way to establish yourself.

    In short, your institution will judge you on the other things you accomplish.

    (Sorry to take over for the career coach here!)

    Aeron

  • Parent Ph.D.
  • Posted by Juggling Madly on October 15, 2008 at 9:10am EDT

  • As your identity becomes more public, remember to substitute Parent Ph.D. for Mama Ph.D. occasionally. At the preschool from which I retrieve my son [while pretending to grade papers ;)], I've seen several young male colleagues this fall. I deeply doubt their balance issues are exactly the same as mine, but they are likely to be advocates of the same family-friendly institutional policies I'd like to see implemented. The number of "silent" parents is always a lot larger than the outspoken ones--part of your challenge is persuading them to find a backbone and stand-up with you, regardless of gender. Keep up the good work.

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