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  • In Sickness and in Health

    By Liz Stockwell May 12, 2009 9:35 pm

     

    Last week when I should have been using my daughter’s pre-school time to put together a blog, I was instead recovering in the ER of our local hospital. My husband and I arrived by ambulance at 3:45 AM after I’d suddenly woken up with numb arms, legs and chin, and unable to speak coherently. We all thought I was having a stroke, and the paramedics kept saying, “Don’t worry — you’re within the three hour time limit for [stroke] treatment.” I was terrified for myself, but mostly worried about leaving my kids and having them wake up not understanding where I was. Thank goodness a wonderful neighbor came right over to be with them after my husband called 911. It was very strange, though, to leave everything for others to take care of, including my body and my voice (I was incoherent and unable to speak for myself for almost two hours).

    There is a happy ending. Three “seizures”, two ambulance rides, three head scans, and almost ten needle pokes later I have my diagnosis: the relatively benign brain stem (or basilar) migraine. That migraine should once again rear its ugly head in my life is surprising. In the past ten years I’ve had only eight garden-variety migraines, during which I experienced funny zig-zag lights in my visual field, followed by a headache easily alleviated by over-the-counter pain relievers. However, it wasn’t always that way, and my undergraduate and graduate school years were punctuated with searches for treatment for pain that would not go away. The migraines were particularly debilitating when combined with the crazy hours and nerves of a graduate student. Even the 30-pound weight gain that accompanied my cocktail of prophylactic meds was well worth it at the time just so I could be productive. And I wasn’t the only academic I knew regularly nursing a sore head. The insidious thing about migraine is that it’s just a headache, right? Not exactly. Unless one has experienced the throbbing pain and crazy neurological disturbances it’s hard to understand why migraines stop so many temporarily in their tracks. The funny thing about my graduate school headaches is that they stopped almost as soon as I left, and it was a great feeling to say good-bye to the drugs. In my new life as half-time academic, and then later as full-time parent, I thought I’d traded away all the stress that brought on migraines. Why have they suddenly resurfaced again with a vengeance?

    Now one week since my first pre-dawn surprise attack, I hold a little beta-blocker pill bottle that might be the key to getting my head under control again. At least that’s what my bleary-eyed husband and I hope. I still find it hard to believe I have to be a migraine patient again. And I’ve been advised to get a bracelet to identify me as a brain stem migraineur since an attack looks like stroke…or epilepsy…or a drunk lady out with the kids.

    There are several things I’ve learned from the experiences this past week. First, my children are more resilient than I thought. We’ve been up front about what we’ve learned from the illness, and both children were awake during my second attack. I couldn’t speak to my son clearly enough to explain what was happening, but I remember him nodding quietly as we reassured him. His almost eight-year-old body suddenly looked very mature in his dinosaur footy pajamas as he walked back to bed. I’ve also realized this past week just what great friends and neighbors we have, from the friend who tracked down the lost ambulance and slept on our sofa to be with my son and daughter, to the families who drove our kids to activities and invited them to stay at their homes. And then there’s my husband … what have I learned about him? That he’s a saint! On days when I was too dizzy to get out of bed, he made breakfast and dinner for everyone, helped the kids make their lunches and snacks, and then dug into the laundry pile. What would take me a week to finish he did in a day. Of course, I’m a more zealous sorter and we have different ideas about what goes in the dryer, but this was not a time to be nit-picky! My husband said over and over how much he liked feeling needed, and he put copious amounts of energy in every task he took on. It made me realize that he’s very willing to pitch in—I just make it difficult for him to help out when I insist we do things my way! Maybe this is a small silver lining: sickness is a good time to rein in the control-freak and let others shine too.

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Comments on In Sickness and in Health

  • Numbheads
  • Posted by JLarson , Assistant Professor of Voice at Wartburg College on May 13, 2009 at 9:00am EDT

  • Thank you for sharing this. Your narrative could, except for a few circumstantial details, have been biographical about me (all the way down to the resilient kids and saint husband). Yours is the first kindred story I have found, despite my having been treated at the University of Michigan Medical Center, where you would think they might see this sort of thing with some regularity. On the contrary, apparently. The ER left my husband and me waiting so long, that after 2-3 hours the episode had passed and we finally just left in frustration and bewilderment. Follow-up appointments, including MRI and EEG, left their neurological specialists with no more clear diagnosis than a "possible exacerbated migraine."
    Perhaps the medical community needs some organized feedback about this, so that even backwoods hospitals like the University of Michigan Medical Center, will have doctors and other professionals who are familiar with the symptoms, diagnostic terms, and treatment options.

  • Posted on May 13, 2009 at 11:30am EDT

  • Dear Ms. Larson,

    Did you arrive at the ER in an ambulance or by private car? Arrival by ambulance is more likely to guarantee a quick look over. Walking in with your husband is going to relegate you to the waiting area until all the ambulance patients have their quick look overs, and after all the private car patients who had to have a wheelchair and assistance to get out of the car have a quick look-over, and all the middle-aged guys who walked in who have somthing that might be heart-related have a quick look over and an EKG. Then you will be put in a room and eventually someone will come in to see you.

    This is because you are: female, young, look good, and have normal vital signs. Just like the crime shows when the police always suspect the family members, when you are seen the assumption will be that your symptoms are psychological in origin. These are the facts. Someday we will have a star trek scanner they can run over your brain and say "disturbed autoregulation in brainstem flow consistent with migrane" but we don't yet.

    On the other hand, if you were paralyzed on one side, comatose, seizing, hypotensive or malignantly hypertensive, blue or obviously dying, you would get seen sooner. You really would. Still, an ER is a traumatic place to go with anything subtle, scary or not in the top three on the list of possible diagnosis. I think that's just the way it is. Notice Dr. House is never in the ER.

  • Thanks
  • Posted by Bob at RSCCD on May 13, 2009 at 11:45am EDT

  • Soon to be divorced after 40 years, I appreciated your finding a silver lining. Being appreciated after working all day, even if the job wasn't don't "right", make life worth living. And, I bet you get 1000% more real help around the house. A pat on the head and "good dog" are often what a husband (wife?) need to feel appreciated, loved, respected, and worthy of love.

    While I don't really believe it is the whole story, the 1970s saying, "it isn't what I say but how you take it" also applies to how we see each other. Thank you for sharing this piece of your life's story. I am happy the medical part of your story isn't life-threatening, and happy there was a silver lining for you and your whole family.

  • Timely
  • Posted by Emily on May 13, 2009 at 3:00pm EDT

  • I get these as an undergrad. In fact, I presently have one, stuck at work no less. You say it gets better for grad school?

    Best of luck with your recovery!

  • Posted by Terri on May 13, 2009 at 3:30pm EDT

  • I am touched by your story because I have children the same age and a wonderful husband, too. I just wanted to wish you all the best.

  • Posted by Caroline , Co-Editor, Mama, PhD on May 15, 2009 at 5:00am EDT

  • What a frightening episode; I'm glad all's well now, and hope that little bottle of beta-blockers does the trick. I'm struck, too, by the coincidence of at least three Mama, PhD contributors debilitated by migraines recently -- you all work incredibly hard! I hope you can take some real time off this summer.

  • Thank you
  • Posted by Kristin on May 18, 2009 at 1:45pm EDT

  • Wow, reading your description of your symptoms really struck a chord with me, and I plan to make an appointment soon to see if I have the same type of migraines! I have suffered from the typical ones for years (pain starts on one side of the head and moves to the other over time.) so maybe now I have developed a new type?

    I would like to suggest to you that getting a good deep tissue massage of the neck and shoulders has helped to relieve my symptoms to an large extent, especially dizziness and pain. Maybe this is a good excuse to have regular massages?! :) One wonders if stress build up in these muscles so close to the vital blood vessels to the brain doesn't have something to do with these attacks. Thanks again!

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