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  • Do Drop Me A Line

    By Oronte October 17, 2007 12:49 am

    My friend Chip wants to be my life coach. He said those words. When I asked what he meant, he said he has the objectivity to help me make important decisions—mostly writing- and career-related—that will “get you where you want to be.”

    I rarely put good advice to use, let alone that of a guy who orders three entrees when he goes to IHOP so he can be sure he’s not missing out on something.

    Today he wanted to discuss why, if half-a-million unique visitors came to my blog last month as I claimed, few readers left comments. I repeated some things that a couple of big-time bloggers told me about their readers, such as how nobody left comments unless they were asked to talk about their own lives. I said my own feeling was that, because my blog is the Sunday magazine of Inside Higher Ed—human-interest stories, kittens playing with string, first-prize pumpkins—readers don’t need or want interactive, and that’s fine.

    But Chip realized I don’t have an e-mail address listed and went nuts. “Are you a moron?” he cried. “How could you do that in this day and age?”

    “What?” I said. “If someone wants to talk to me, they can leave a comment. Or write the editors. Besides, lots of people write me…. My e-mail is up at McSweeney’s, and I’ve put it in several blog posts. And I have a MySpace page, which I wrote about in my blog, like, six months ago. Or so.” I was starting to feel uncertain.

    “People don’t want to leave you comments in some public space. They want to feel like they have a personal connection with you. And they’re not going to dig through your archives looking for the address. Oh my god; I’ve never heard of such a thing!” He began to sob.

    If he’s correct, I apologize. It hadn’t occurred to me. I’ll put my e-mail address at the end of this post for now, and we’ll try to get it up more prominently soon. I’d love to hear more from you. Write me to say Chip was right or wrong; write me to say hi. Write me and tell me about your life, if you want, and I'll tell you about my hopes, dreams, desires, and the extra head that seems to be growing out of my spine.

    If you tell me Chip was right, I might have to consider him for the life coach position, and he knows it. He’s been telling me to visit some big-cat rescue farm he heard about—no doubt hoping I’ll be mauled in usefully comical ways—and to write an article about it, and your support is just the thing he needs to press his case. It’s for my own good.

    Please write to: OChurm@aol.com

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Comments on Do Drop Me A Line

  • Posted by Rory on October 17, 2007 at 11:00am EDT
  • The idea of Chip blubbering into not one but three IHOP entrees enrages me. Emotional decadence and waste. There are people in this world who can't cry.

  • Posted by Oronte on October 17, 2007 at 12:50pm EDT
  • Come on. I saw you cry when your book came out; I saw you cry when your earring hole got infected; I saw you cry over spilt milk. Tough guys may not dance or eat quiche, but they blubber at the drop of their cowboy hats.

  • Chip is not right
  • Posted by dale on October 17, 2007 at 8:55pm EDT
  • I read your blog because I like your writing and I can identify with many of your stories about life and teaching. I read your blog for the same reason's I read McSweeny's, it entertains me. I don't comment on your blog because it does need any additional echos from my, or anyone else's ego. I don't comment on your blog because I don't want it to change.
    Let Chip go to IHOP, let Chip post comments, let Chip feel his connections, but whatever you do, please let us here your true voice.

  • OK, Dale, I did what you said
  • Posted by Oronte on October 18, 2007 at 12:45pm EDT
  • I smothered Chip with a pillow, dismembered the corpse and hid the pieces under the floorboard. But--O!--his heart! The beating of his hideous heart!

  • Posted by whoary on October 18, 2007 at 2:55pm EDT
  • I suspect few readers leave comments because we are mostly dead inside.

    braiiiiiiiiiins.

  • Chip
  • Posted by sutton on October 19, 2007 at 1:05pm EDT
  • With all due respect to Chip, it sounds like his knowledge of vital internet practices comes from reading about them, rather than, well, practicing them.

  • Chip's wrong
  • Posted by Belle on October 22, 2007 at 9:25pm EDT
  • Nertz to Chip. He's wrong. So there.

  • Chip
  • Posted by clay on October 24, 2007 at 2:25pm EDT
  • I enjoy reading your dispatches and thoughts, but there is really nothing for me to add to the conversation.

    Also, beware the man who thinks that there might be something to miss out on at IHOP. That place is foul.