The Education of Oronte Churm
November 26, 2007 - 10:42pm
No, not the guy standing in front of the toilet door on the charter bus from Michigan State to Daytona who demands you do a JELL-O shot with him before he’ll let you pass and then when you do the shot he adds the stipulation that you also have to show him your hidden tattoo.
November 21, 2007 - 2:48pm
A couple of weeks ago I called my old friend Frenchy and asked if he’d come for Thanksgiving. It wasn’t a small request, since he lives across the country, so we were all thrilled when he said he’d catch a train and be out to stay with us for a few days.
November 14, 2007 - 10:38pm
There was a roundtable here last Friday on creative-writing pedagogy. I hadn’t RSVP’d for the event but agreed to go at the last minute to represent administrator Rory, sick in bed with stomach flu. It would be easy. I’d just smile a lot and pretend I had a goatee.
November 9, 2007 - 12:05am
I had thought parents’ night at Starbuck’s kindergarten was for the kids to show us their artwork, which hung around the walls. They’d made enough fruit salad earlier in the day to fill a gigantic punch bowl, and the bananas had gone black. There were also six baby carrots and six celery sticks. It was long after dinner, nearly the kids’ bedtime, and none of the parents touched the food. The kids served themselves neat, perfect portions and stood eating them from paper plates, like small faculty members at an honors banquet.
October 29, 2007 - 1:23am
Doesn’t have to be the Chancellor. Could be. Drives a Beemer. Big smile, pants are too tight at the waist, too long at the heels. Afraid to go to the optometrist for a checkup, has noticed each of his eyes sees a different quality of light. His right one sees warm tones, happy days; his left sees cold, bluish. Found an alumni donor in Hong Kong who’s got five mil for the endowment if presented an acrylic trophy at a dinner. Remember to get the trophy laser-etched with a picture of the donor’s college. Remember to make the evil eye smile at the reception.