Not exclusive to divorced parents-financial aid for college

Most of the postings are irrevelant to the subject at hand. The subject of how divorce or separation is counted when applying for financial aid for college does not change the criteria for parents who seek financial aid who are not divorcied or separated. All income is considered for both. However without a court ordered requirement for both spouses to contribute when divorcied should financial aid % percentages be determined by ability to pay. This could severly penalize a student who has a dead beat parent. Who will end up being the tutition support police.

Kathy, at 1:25 pm EDT on November 2, 2007

I agree with a previous comment —having just put a child through an expensive private university. The same fathers who fight paying child support at all, are going to fail to pay their share of college expenses. I teach at a small private college and my daughter’s father is a full professor at a large university who makes at least 50% more than me. He held to our divorce agreement to pay no more than state university tuition. My daughter’s options would have been severely limited if I had not been willing to take on a large debt burden to finance her education. (My barely middle-class income made her ineligible for need-based aid anyway.) I don’t know what an equitable solution would be, but students are going to be harmed by this policy. It would be nice to have gender equality when it comes to taking responsibility, financial and otherwise, for children, but we aren’t anywhere near there yet. It’s expected of mothers and optional for fathers.

Ellen Banks, Professor at Daemen College, at 10:22 am EST on November 1, 2005

Private vs Public Colleges

Professor Banks was not exhibiting “pointless snobbery” in mentioning the divorce agreement’s creating “severely limited” educational options for her daughter. Although SUNY four-year colleges are strong—and some excellent—SUNY doesn’t necessarily offer the program her daughter is seeking.

I, too, wonder how I’ll be able to send my child to a school that offers the program my child wants to pursue—which isn’t offered at SUNY schools. I teach in the SUNY system—actually, at a community college; when people suggest I send my child to my cc for the first two years, I note that by graduation, my child will have so many AP credits that there’d be nothing left to take at a two-year school.

Public colleges meet many students’ needs exceptionally well; however, they don’t meet all students’ needs. A parent who makes a lot of money but refuses to ensure that their child can go to the institution that best fits their needs is not much of a parent, the availability of public colleges notwithstanding.

CJ, at 12:26 pm EST on November 1, 2005

Let’s not assume Dad’s not involved

I am married to a divorced dad, who does everything in his power to go above and beyond the requirements of his divorce decree. I think it is unfortunate that others have not had the same kind of experience, and choose to continue to play the role of victim and blame all dads of the same crime. However, I do have other concerns about these new financial aid requirements. I make nearly twice the annual salary of my self-employed husband—which is saying a lot, given that I work in the nonprofit industry. We have two small children together, in addition to his teenage son from his first marriage. We have narry a penny left over for frivolous expenses after paying our modest mortgage, car payment, child support, day care, utilities, etc. To think that my admittedly meager salary would also be taken into consideration when the financial need is determined for my stepson (note, the article said that although I won’t have to pay for his education, my husband may be expected to contribute more of his as a result of what I make—but isn’t that the same thing?) is mind-boggling.

One of those “spouses”, at 2:29 pm EST on November 1, 2005

In Illinois, the children of divorce have more rights than children of intact marriages when it comes to secondary education support. In my personal experience, non-custodial parents of children who are not supportive of their children’s upbringing (relational and/or financial), are not inclined to be any more supportive when it comes to college education costs. If the parents are not on good terms, discussing sharing college expenses is just another thing to disagree about. Nevertheless, I think it is reasonable for financial aid officers to consider all resources available to all students in determining who should receive the aid. In Illinois, anyway, there is legal recourse for payment from the unsupportive parent. If invoked, the sad part to me is that the student’s already difficult and conflicted existence will probably be no better for the new program.

Been There in Illinois, at 6:12 pm EST on November 1, 2005

new way of viewing college aid responsibilities

It’s about time! Just a few weeks ago, I had a divorced-but-remarried woman inform me that she intends to submit financials from the ex-husband & intends to pass it off as if the boy was living with Dad & Dad takes care of him. Now, the boy is living with Mom (who works) as well as with new stepdad (who works). Now, that is THREE incomes available for that child! However, biological non-custodial Dad is lower income, so that is the way she intends to sell this to colleges. Also, this woman’s profession is a “divorce counselor” & she told me she tells all her clients to do the same!

karen, at 10:47 am EST on November 2, 2005

This sounds feasible, but I do have concerns. I am in an the position of being a divorced mother of two and a school counsleor. my ex-husband and I have shared custody. I like the component of this proposal that states each parent’s income is considered in calculations, however, when there is a large discrepancy in incomes, as there is in my personal case, how is this to be calculated? I believe the FA decision should be based on a ratio ie: 2:1. Currently, my income allows for my son to recieve much more financial aid and I can afford to pay my EFC. However, if my ex-husband’s income calculates in, I may be penalized for his greater income and be paying more of because of the combined EFC. If he fills out the FAFSA, ultimately , I lose.

Carolyn, guidance counselor, at 11:21 am EST on November 4, 2005

Why Should Any Parent Be FORCED to Pay?

As someone else commented, there is no court ordered payment if the parents don’t divorce, so courts need to stay out of the business of getting parents, custodial or otherwise to pay for a childs’s tuition.

It is a bad assumption to believe that non-custodial dads are cheating deadbeats. Many of us tried to save broken marriages, only to have the courts tell us that our ex-wives infidelity doesn’t matter in custody issues.

So we have to give money to a person we no longer trust to take care of a child that we now only get to visit.

I graduated from Washington University in St. Louis in 1987, the child of a single mom and paid for it all myself through working, scholarships and loans.

I learned a lot about life doing it that way and I have an education I appreciate. My ex-wife had it handed to her by her parents and she dropped out, changed courses of study and ultimately quit school.

I will support my daughter, but I want to be able to determine how and how much I will support her. If the financial aid process wants to consider my income as well as my ex-wife’s income, that’s fine. Ultimately, it’s not the job of the parents to hand out a college education to their children, because, to give it away deprives the child of a wonderful learning opportunity.

Let’s get the courts and the government out of the decision and leave it where it belongs, with the child and her parents.

Tony

Tony, Divorced Dad, at 12:49 pm EST on November 14, 2005

Divorced parents and college tuition

After reading many of the posts here, I have to conclude that the current financial aid system, even with its flaws, is better than the proposals made in the original article. I agree with the comment that this new proposal makes an already complicated system even more complex.

I also agree that fathers can be unjustly labeled as deadbeats in this situation. Let’s not forget that infidelity, a cause of many divorces, usually involves men AND women. To tar divorced dads as “deadbeats” is more a reflection of reverse sexism than anything else. As I wrote previously, many divorced dads are in second marriages and the U.S. Department of Education does require such custodial parents to make a contribution towards their step-childrens college education.

Feudi Pandola, at 4:17 pm EST on November 15, 2005

If more parents stood their ground

and refused to enable their adult-kids, tuition costs would become reasonable real quick.

Sue, at 9:02 pm EST on November 20, 2005

I am a single custodial parent. Child support and other “obligations” from my ex are not forthcoming on a regular basis. He has made it clear he is not paying anything toward college tuition, and we don’t have an agreement which could, presumably, force him to if I chose to take him to court. The financial responsibility for college tuition will fall solely on my shoulders; however, if he has to submit his financial information and financial aid determination is based on his income in addition to my own, the amount of aid that I receive will be far less because the total income will be more than double. However, tuition will still have to come out of my pocket. I am trying to do the right thing and provide college expenses for my children — at great sacrifice — and I am being penalized by the consideration of his income.

Megan Daly, at 7:05 pm EDT on July 25, 2006

The overlooked and sad part of this debate is that the non-custodial parent can be bitter, vindictive, and neglectful when it comes to the concerns of the children after a divorce.

The wounds from the marriage can carry over to matters of the kids’ well-being. My ex would do nutty things like tell me that, to punish one of the kids for speaking out of turn, he was going to take the “good one” (usually the one his girlfriend liked better) for visitation and leave the other child behind. I put my foot down and told him either he visited or he didn’t, but he couldn’t use visitation to punish either child. Result? He didn’t visit at all for two years! This made the kids feel very bad.

Now with college, he happily pays half of the college living expenses for one of the kids (interestingly, this is not the “good one", but then again, this kid earned a prestigious full-tuition academic scholarship to an ivy league school that he often brags about), but he has told me he will contribute absolutely zero to help the other kid, who attends a very good school that costs less than half of what the other school costs, who has earned scholarships, and who works hard to earn Dean’s List, regularly. Both kids also have jobs. I thank God every day I am divorced from this lunatic and the courts here have something in place that requires him to treat both kids fairly. When I read statements above like “why should I pay for a kid I never see” or “why should I pay when my spouse cheated on me,” I am reminded how much we need the courts to keep the emotions of divorce separate from the well-being of our kids.

As for the person who wrote that she had 120k in school debt while both her parents were married, I would venture a guess that neither of her parents was college-educated, or there was some family financial crisis that prevented her parents from contributing if they are college-educated.

Generally, college-educated married parents take it as a source of pride to pay a good portion of their kids’ college tuition. They want their kids to go to college and they normally don’t want their kids burdened with lots of debt.

Although these parents want their kids to work and help out, to develop character and a good work ethic, they also know how very difficult it is to balance working lots of hours with getting excellent grades and participating in extracurriculars — and these are the kinds of things that assure acceptance to graduate or professional school and additional scholarship and internship opportunities, as well as better paying jobs after college. In addition, parents who have achieved higher education through great indebtedness and killer work schedules remember the experience, and it usually leaves a bitter taste in the mouth.

Sacrificing to become more educated means we are supposed to have earned access to better things — the house, the cars, the vacations, an education for our kids... Even if the parents must incur debt, they know that they have more options than their children (for whom they will have to co-sign anyway if the kid takes out a loan) and they are better able to understand the complexities of managing debt.

Folks who are the first to go to college because of parental sacrifice and/or getting help from other family members (including incurring debt), generally want to pass that benevolence along to their own kids. Once they’ve gone through the experience, they realize their parents were visionary as well as loving in undertaking such a major commitment to their future without a basis in experience.

Clara, at 9:20 pm EST on February 20, 2007