Quick Takes

The U.S. Education Department's inspector general warned in a memorandum this week that some states could be undermining the Obama administration's goal of using stimulus funds to strengthen education by substituting the money for their own dollars. The alert cites several instances -- in Connecticut, Pennsylvania, and Massachusetts, among others -- in which states, to meet a "maintenance of effort" requirement in the economic recovery law, sought to "reduce State support for public education back to the [fiscal year] 2006 levels and replace the State funds with their SFSF allocation to free up State resources for non-education budget items." While such an approach may not violate the letter of the law, the memo from the inspector general's office said, "it may adversely impact the achievement of the education reforms" sought by Education Secretary Arne Duncan through use of the stimulus' State Fiscal Stabilization Fund.

A state appeals court in Florida on Thursday ordered the National Collegiate Athletic Association to make public documents it produced during its investigation into academic wrongdoing in Florida State University's sports program, despite the association's best efforts to shield the papers. Usually the NCAA and its member colleges are on the same side of disputes over the privacy of the association's rule making process (usually against the news media, which were the plaintiffs in this case, too, led by the Associated Press). But in this instance, Florida State had encouraged the release of the documents because they are related to the university's appeal of what its officials view as overly harsh penalties imposed on its athletes and its football coach, Bobby Bowden. The NCAA sought to get around Florida's expansive open records law by putting the documents on a secure Web site available only to the university's outside lawyers instead of sending them to Florida State officials. But the Florida court didn't buy the NCAA's arguments: "Although these documents were prepared and maintained by a private organization, they were 'received' by agents of a public agency and used in connection with public business.... As the plaintiffs expressed this point, the definition of a public record does not turn on the sender‟s method of transmission." NCAA officials said they were considering their legal options.

Federal housing officials have sued Millikin University, charging that the institution discriminated against a blind student with epilepsy by refusing to allow her to have a trained service dog live in her dormitory room, the Chicago Tribune reported. The university denies wrongdoing and says that the dog's presence in the dorm would have caused problems for other students with respiratory issues.

Washington University in St. Louis has apologized to Saint Louis University for incorrectly suggesting that the latter university played a role in a fellowship that trains physicians to perform abortions, The St. Louis Post-Dispatch reported. Because Saint Louis University is a Roman Catholic institution, it would have been unusual for it to have been involved in the fellowship. Saint Louis University officials said that they have no idea how their institution was included in a fellowship Web site maintained by Washington University. That university declined to answer questions about how the error was made.

The University of Florida's disaster preparedness Web site contains information on dealing with hurricanes, pandemics and ... zombies. The Associated Press reported that a university employee added the zombie response plan to "add a bit of levity" to the Web site. The guide for dealing with a zombie attack ncludes a helpful list of signs that zombie attacks may be increasing. You should watch, for example, for "increasing numbers of gruesome unexplained deaths and disappearances, especially at night" and listen for "lots of strange moaning." The guide includes an "Infected Co-Worker Dispatch Form" for Florida employees to let superiors know when a colleague exhibits signs of zombie behavior, with a checklist of such behaviors, including "references to wanting to eat brains," "recently dead but moving again," "lack of rational thought (this can cause problems confusing zombies with managers)" and "killed and ate another employee." A footnote in the plan suggests the importance of maintaining sensitivity in a time of zombie attack: "While many people refer to 'undead,' practitioners in the field of Zombie Studies and zombie advocates such as PETZ: People for the Ethical Treatment of Zombies, and supporters of Florida Zombie Preserve, Inc. insist that the term 'undead' clearly connotes deficiency; specifically the absence of both life and death. Hence, we suggest here the term 'life impaired' to recognize the difficulties imposed on a former person by zombie behavior spectrum disorder (ZBSD) but without suggesting the former person is somehow 'deficient' as a result of the infection."

The Ig Nobel Prizes, the annual spoof of the Nobel Prizes, were announced Thursday night. The honors include the following:

• Catherine Douglas and Peter Rowlinson of Newcastle University, in Britain, won in veterinary medicine for showing that cows who have names give more milk than cows that are nameless.
• Stephan Bolliger, Steffen Ross, Lars Oesterhelweg, Michael Thali and Beat Kneubuehl of the University of Bern, in Switzerland, won the honor for peace for determining — by experiment — whether it is better to be smashed over the head with a full bottle of beer or with an empty bottle.
• Javier Morales, Miguel Apátiga, and Victor M. Castaño of Universidad Nacional Autónoma de México, won in chemistry for creating diamonds from tequila.
• Katherine K. Whitcome of the University of Cincinnati, Daniel E. Lieberman of Harvard University, and Liza J. Shapiro of the University of Texas, won in physics for determining why pregnant women don't tip over.

The complete list of winners may be found here. The other Nobels kick off Monday with the prize in medicine.