Quite frankly, after reading this article I found it more of an indictment of the author’s own failings of a parent, rather than a treatise on the evils of the nefarious “helicopter parent” syndrome (discovered by that Nobel Laureate, post Freudian psychologist Ned Zehman…oh wait! No, he’s just a magazine editor). Don’t get me wrong, I hold the venerable art of psychobabble and those skilled in the art of psychobabble in the highest regard.

As other reviewers have noted, there are certainly a wide variety of parents, ranging from those who can’t let go (like Howard Sprague’s mother), to others who let go early (say for example, those who give up in the 6th grade (once your 6th grader gives up on their homework and tests, you should respect their decision…after all, you wouldn’t want to stunt their growth into independence would you?)

Furthermore, I wouldn’t let it worry you too much that some 20 year olds might look to their parents as role models and heroes…I suspect there are those who would consider your angst wrong-headed. Not all children have irresponsible, self-centered parents. (Oh, and in case you missed it, Erik Erikson’s is out of vogue, just like his friend Sigmund…didn’t you hear?) But I do appreciate your honesty in describing the values and ideals of some of your generation: one afflicted with the cognitive dissonance to be at once anti-war, anti-life, anti-authority, and pro-war, pro-life, and pro-leadership…well, that takes some doing! (you should run for office). Please excuse me though, if seek advice from those with fewer “issues”. Finally, I too am a “baby boomer”, raised by WWII era parents. My parents both worked from the age of 14 to help with the family expenses (yep, you guessed it – they weren’t wealthy…had to grow up quickly if you know what I mean). And guess what – my dad still sought advice and counsel from my grandparents until the day they died. I worked my way through school (the first in the family to go to college), while holding full-time jobs. Nevertheless, even while in graduate school, I considered my parents heroes, and regularly sought, and took their advice. As a result, I may not be so “well centered” as you (I hope not), but I do my best.

Jeffrey Wright, at 2:25 pm EDT on September 18, 2008

Well., Well.., Well..., Well!

Is there hope for this net generation appearing at last? Are we beginning to see the deterioration of the harvest that we have been reaping that was sown in the 60’s? I certainly hope so!Congratulations to this author for recognizing that personal reaponsibility for one’s own decision-making and the consequences thereof cannot be forever controlled by Mommy and Daddy...! This net generation has seen through that and is seeking the structure and value systems that were blithly tossed away. They, as each generation must, need to find them on their own. In that 15 or so years we can exercise leadership to influence them, we have given them a basis of decision-making, good or bad, and since we cannot continue lead them, we must get out of the way and follow, like it or not!

Edward Winslow, a tired “retired” Business Professor, at 9:30 am EDT on April 18, 2006

Parental Profs

I’ve noticed a similar pattern in regard to students’ relationships with their professors: the need for a protective and sympathetic parental figure, rather than a teacher, an evaluator, a critic. Many of my students approach me with the age-old excuses for classes skipped, assignments missed, grades below-par—but unlike the stereotypical “grade-grubbers” or “brown-nosers,” these students often go the sympathy route, asking for “understanding” or “forgiveness.” As a former student myself and a reasonably experienced teacher, I do, of course, offer sympathy and understanding whenever I can. But what’s strange is that these students often take that sympathy to mean that “everything’s okay” and express shock when their grades don’t reflect the new understanding that we’ve apparently arrived at. They assume that, like a parent, I can simply overlook or forget their mistakes, their lack of effort or enthusiasm, or, most importantly, their performance, because we have “a good relationship.”

I can’t help but feel that some of this derives from the permissive, if well-intentioned, attitudes of many of their parents and/or their high school teachers who see their primary job as being to encourage, promote, and support, rather than to judge, discipline, or evaluate. I often spend a good part of the first semester trying to convince students that they are, in fact, adults—entitled to adult opinions, choices, and knowledge, but also required to take on adult responsibilities and accountability for their actions. I’m sympathetic to the experiences of stress, loneliness, depression, and exhaustion—but that doesn’t excuse you from doing the work, or making a good-faith effort in the course! I UNDERSTAND if you choose to skip class because your parents are in town and you want to spend quality time with them (that’s your prerogative as a voluntary student), but it’s not a free-pass or an excused absence. I tell my students that family and personal life or health always come first (as it did with me when I was in school), but that doesn’t mean that one’s obligation to other things simply goes away with every crisis! Asking for help or extra time is one thing—asking to be excused or forgiven is something else altogether. A parent can do that, I can’t.

Now I’m seeing that this is a more widespread cultural pattern, and not just a an idiosyncrasy of my students.

Earl Grey, at 11:35 am EDT on April 18, 2006

This is the typical baloney that parents hear from teachers, administrators, coaches etc from the time their kids are little until after college. Many parents have learned the hard way that they have to be involved to make sure that their kids are being well treated and that learning is actually taking place. At the college level, parents are shelling out 20 or 30 or 40 grand a year — of course theyre going to be involved. It’s time for administrators to get real and treat parents with the respect they deserve, that’s who’s paying their fat salaries. Let’s knock off the parent bashing!

owen, at 10:20 pm EDT on April 18, 2006

Well. That was quite a blanket indictment of parents being involved in their children’s lives. Overwrought, to say the least. Something like those poppsych magazine covers HOW YOU ARE RUINING YOUR CHILD’S LIFE WITH TOO MUCH LOVE. STORY INSIDE. Sure, there are overinvolved parents, there are children who have trouble adapting to their new independence in college, and there are also healthy, effective parent-child relationships that extend to the college years (and beyond). The article is basically “Hey boomer parents, lighten up!” OK, we get the message. My message: “Hey boomers, stop whining about everything, including yourselves.”

On the one hand, there are overinvolved, pushy parents. On the other, there are college administrators who would much rather deal with inexperienced and subordinate students than with parents. It makes for a tension that is sometimes productive (called accountability) and sometimes not so productive. What we can do without, however, is patronizing administrators telling parents how misguided they are and how the administrator experts know so much more about what’s best for their children.

Bob at State U., at 11:45 am EDT on April 20, 2006

In re: Loco Parents

I only now read the subject article along with comments. I’m a bit taken back by some of the comments that are contrary to the writer’s position. As a university educator and trainer who works hands-on with cadets every day of the work week, I can tell you that “helicopter parents” are one of our biggest, if not our biggest challenge. I regularly conduct investigations of student indiscipline, and I also regularly face parents who think that their little Johnny and little Suzie can do no wrong. Little Johhn and little Suzie have learned that when things get tough, all they have to do is tell their parents whatever they want them to believe and, voila, they believe it. We are automatically the villains. Regarding the one comment about us and our “fat cat salaries,” I don’t know where this person is coming from. I know of few “fat cat” educators who deal with students in a direct mode. It is my assessment that the writer knows from whence she came. I, too, am a Baby Boomer about to turn 60. I came through a very tough Corps of Cadets experience. There was ONE telephone in my dormitory. I would have never thought of calling my parents and lying to them about my tough experience. Sure, I cried on their shoulders for support, but I never expected them to get in the face of my upperclassmen and my administrators. Today, they do both. Oh, and they have attorneys on retainer. Wanna talk “fat cats?” They “ain’t” the educators.

Mike Caudle, Instructor at Texas A&M University, at 2:50 pm EDT on August 23, 2006