Sept. 24

ABCs and PhDs: Kindergarten

By Dana Campbell

These last few weeks starting kindergarten have been hard! I remember this from my older daughter too; the adjustment is painful for my kids. Every morning I cheerfully walk my daughter into her classroom, trying to dispel her tears and anxiety with light banter, and she grips my clothes to keep me next to her just a little while longer.

She and I have talked about why it is so hard (as far as you can rationalize these things with a five-year-old). Full-day kindergarten in a large public institution is dramatically different from her small, gentle preschool. A lot of her worries stem from the heavy-handed rules that a large classroom has to keep everyone in line, and she worries that she will get lost or do the wrong thing. The loud, chaotic lunchroom and the playground, where the rules are less clear, are traumatic.

So each day, my husband or I stay through the warm-up exercise and the pledge of allegiance. Now in our fourth week of school there are still tears, but after 20 minutes and a promise to return in time to go to lunch with her, she is not quite as despairing when I slip out. I can feel her easing into it little by little; it just takes time to get used to such a large, different place and a long day on her own.

I’ve seen many kids having trouble adapting to school (in fact, I was one). Several years ago I admired an assistant professor acquaintance as she helped her son through a similar situation when he started preschool. Somehow, she kept her research lab running and worked around her teaching schedule as she and her husband did what they had to, taking turns as permanent fixtures in the preschool classroom for half a year while their son adjusted. I’m not sure how they balanced it, perhaps it is one endorsement of the relative flexibility of schedule academia provides (combined with the energy of a young mom on the tenure-track). She is up for tenure review this year, and even if it cost her, I’m sure she’d do it the same way again. There is no way around it: your kids will need you.

Comments

Kind parenting!

As a mother who just went through a similar experience with my 4 year old daughter this week (fears over swimming lessons) I really appreciate this post!

In a culture that (over)values bold confidence, we sometimes forget that fearfulness can be a thoughtful, intelligent response to an unknown situation.

Your daughter is lucky to have such an empathetic, loving mother.

Aeron, at 9:10 am EDT on September 24, 2008

It is so tough seeing my little preschool angel go to the standardized world of kindergarten. .. the rigor, the rules, and not as much outside time. My son, loves learning and he loved preschool, but he doesn’t seem to love kindergarten as much so far- learning has becoming “work” already, rather than getting to know the world. I’m disappointed with this reality.

Thanks for bringing the kindergarten transition up- as an academic, and someone who loves learning, I’m hoping school doesn’t rain on my son’s enthusiasm.

Cassie, at 10:02 am EDT on September 24, 2008

Kindergarden

My daughter just started kindergarden too. It’s a tough transition (for a Mom) and it’s hard to focus on the dissertation during a fairly emotional time. In her humorous prodding way, my advisor informed me today that there is a “statute of limitations” for the dissertation, but I’ve given myself permission—for a little while—to focus on other important things. I’ll never get back these half-days with my littlest one. Things are settling down a bit now and my mind is turning, once again, toward the research. I’m convinced it will all come in good time.

Lisa O’Reilly, at 6:40 pm EDT on September 24, 2008

The kindergarten transition has been bitter-sweet for me. I recently made the switch from part-time faculty to full-time at the same time as our oldest started full-day kindergarten. I was lucky to be able to work around his schedule and our youngest in preschool to get them adjusted, but it was still difficult. Most things about kindergarten seem unnatural to me : i.e putting him on the bus in the morning (even though the school is 1 mile away). Yet it is completely natural and necessary.

mls, Learning Specialist at Lehigh Carbon Community College, at 6:40 pm EDT on September 24, 2008

Thank You

I so appreciated your post. I have just finished a year of preschool myself and am now happily going off to work as my son goes to PreK all by himself. I was on leave for a year, so attending preschool was okay, but I am not sure how we would have managed this year as I am back in my tenure track position. I am terrified about how Kindergarten is going to play out. With such a push towards academics and everyone doing the same thing on the same page, I am not sure how my independent yet anxious child will do.

Jill, at 7:05 pm EDT on September 25, 2008

it’s so hard to see them off to school!

I can empathize with this difficulty: my oldest two had some separation anxiety when they started kindergarten, and the oldest still liked for me to walk her to her class each day through first grade. Just like diapers, nursing, etc., they inevitably adapt eventually and move on to new challenges. I’m probably not as busy with my own academics as some comentors here are (I’m a graduate student in education and mom of three)but it is pretty hectic some weeks. It’s a tough but usually healthy transition for our little ones to adapt to school, especially in districts with a full day kindergarten. It just drives home for me the point about how valuable universal preschool would be for our society. Good luck on those dissertations!

tw, at 7:15 pm EDT on September 28, 2008

My goodness. Where my kids went to kindergarted parents weren’t allowed past the front door of the school after the first day. And guess what, all of the kids adjusted just fine!

Have you considered that an overprotective overindulgent parent might make the transition worse rather than better by conveying to her child the idea that he ought to be worried about going to school rahter than the idea that going to school is fun, easy, and something everyone does when they get to be his age?

JR, at 11:25 am EDT on September 29, 2008