Aug. 4

An Introduction

By Tedra Osell

Hello, IHE readers! I am your new guru for all questions about motherhood, academia, or anything you want to know.

Qualifications? Well, for one, I’m a mommy. Duh. Therefore I know everything. Next question?

Oh right, this is academia, and we want a comprehensive review. Okay, fine. Besides being a mommy, I am also Bitch PhD; I was blogging academia back before IHE was a gleam in your daddy’s eye. I’ve given talks and published stuff about mommyhood and academia and blogging — it says so right there on my CV. I wrote my dissertation with my Pseudonymous Kid sitting right there on my lap—well, some of the time. I admit it; mostly he was in the front room with the nanny, or being babysat by one of my grad school friends, so I’m hip to that child-care juggling game, too.

But there’s more! Despite being in the English Department, I had a real bonafide tenure-track job for a while there. At least, until my Seasonal-Affective-Disorder-related suicidal depression convinced me and my husband that we really needed to move to a sunnier clime. So yes, I know from mental health. (First piece of advice: if you’re planning on going to graduate school, get a good therapist. No I am not joking.) Oh, did I mention that my job was in Canada? Yes, that accounts for the snow sickness; it also gives me international academic expertise.

Anyhoo. After spending a couple years being one of those “post-academic” types, I am returning to the hallowed halls, as an adjunct at my local community college. A job which, I hasten to add, I am very happy with: I like teaching composition, I love the community college student population, and for now, at least, I’m happy with the multiple income streams of blogging, a little freelancing, and a little teaching. And yes, I am well aware that my ability to enjoy this particular career arc is not unrelated to having a fully-employed husband, but I’ve been the primary (only) wage-earner, too.

In short, I have Done It All, Had It All, and am now playing the Balancing Game. You might, if you were uncharitable, say that this means I haven’t yet figured out what I want to do when I grow up, but surely that makes me all the more expert at thinking through the various and sundry complications of academic life.

So g’wan. Ask away.

Comments

A welcome addition!

I’ve been reading Bitch, PhD for a while now (and recommending it to everyone I know!). I’m so glad to see you here, too!

MBGITH, at 8:50 am EDT on August 4, 2008

welcome!

I’m delighted you’re blogging for us, Tedra; welcome aboard!

Caroline, Co-editor, Mama, PhD at independent, at 10:20 am EDT on August 4, 2008

Can you talk a bit about balancing the demands of grad school/academia with depression? I finished my BA a year ago and have been working as a program/research assistant at my university. I was planning on going to grad school this September, but decided to hold off because of an intense episode of anxiety and depression this year. I love what I study and I know I can do well, but I also know it can be too much. How have you dealt with it?

Brooke, at 6:00 pm EDT on August 4, 2008

academia & depression

My main advice is to get a good therapist and don’t be afraid of trying medication. Too many people put it off for too long, and it really can be a lifesaver. Once you get the medication and dosage right, which can take a while, you won’t feel medicated—you’ll just feel like yourself, only not crazy.

And because academic life can be so isolating, it’s important for everyone—but especially folks who suffer from anxiety or depression, I think—to make sure and have friends *outside* academia. It’s also helpful to have some kind of regular physical activity that gets you out of your head—biking, running, whatever.

Tedra, at 6:55 pm EDT on August 4, 2008

But the snow, it is so pretty!

Real reason for comment: the link to your CV is broken.

Nicole, University of Calgary, at 7:25 pm EDT on August 4, 2008

tenure

Tedra — (Oh, no! It’s so weird to call you Tedra, but calling you some variant of “Dr. Bitch” as per usual from your blog feels oh-so-inappropriate in this venue!) I will soon be advancing to candidacy, and the norm for our students is a demanding post-doc and then tenure track junior faculty position at a research school. If I were to adopt (probably internationally) with my partner, should I wait until after tenure? Would it be insane to do it during a post-doc? I hesitate to do it while dissertating because I will be doing ethnographic fieldwork throughout the write-up process. (And my field site is HIGHLY inappropriate for wee ones.) But I’m 30 now, so if I wait for tenure, I could be pushing 40. I’m not even completely sure I want a kid, but I feel my academic/biological clock ticking. Thoughts?

WFL, Prestigious Whitebread U, at 9:25 pm EDT on August 4, 2008

academic depression

I had a pretty bad episode of depression during the dissertation phase, at which time I was employed full-time at the same university (dumb dumb dumb). Part of was the neglect of my committee, part of it was the passive aggressiveness of the faculty toward newbies. I stayed there, and remain there, almost 5 years later.

Why? Thanks for asking; I’ve wondered this, too. I think it’s because here I can look the two beasts (depression and the hostile academic environment) in the eye. I can recognize these animals from a mile away; I have fought them before.

I’ve got recurrent major depression; it would come back regardless. And, anyway, tomorrow’s another day. (Isn’t it, Rhett?)

Teresa, assist prof at Or Health & Sci Univ, at 4:55 am EDT on August 5, 2008

baby timing

I’m forty, so there’s obviously not much time to waste. If I want to get pregnant, better to do it while I finish my dissertation, or next year, when I start a TT job (already lined up)? The diss must be finished by May ‘09 to allow me to start the job — which I really, really want as it is a nearly perfect fit in my favorite city in the world.

elizabeth, at 5:00 am EDT on August 5, 2008

aw crud

Sorry about that c.v. link—that’s what happens when you update. You can find it here.

Re. the tenure/baby/postdoc question, my short answer is: I don’t know about post-docs! But I had a girlfriend who had her first kid during hers, and she later got a very, very nice job indeed and had two more children. So obviously it’s doable. Though otoh, if you’re planning to adopt anyway, I can certainly see why you’d wait. But on yet a third hand, really, my take on all this stuff boils down to: you have a life. Live it. You can’t plan and control everything, and trying to might just make you crazy. So if you want a baby during the post-doc, well then, have one. Or get one. Whichever.

Tedra, at 5:00 am EDT on August 5, 2008

baby timing

Elizabeth, read my piece in Mama, PhD!

The short answer is that I, personally, highly recommend having a baby while dissertating, especially if your partner has a job that pays decently. Your time is a *lot* more flexible than after you get that first job, and you really can’t write more than a few hours a day anyway.

Tedra, at 1:40 pm EDT on August 5, 2008

Hi, glad to see you over here! I was going to post something irritating, but then I realized I actually need some advice.

I’d like to take some sort of writing class — preferably at the Cal State campus across the street — but it’s not obvious what sort. My vague goal is to write some sort of cultural journalism. I’m attracted to the upper-division English classes, but the schedules are awkward, since I work full-time, and what I need isn’t now primarily practice in thinking about literature, but practice in writing substantial argumentative pieces. Outside the university, there’s l’embarras du choix — endless writing groups and whatnot. What am I looking for?

Vance Maverick, at 2:30 pm EDT on August 5, 2008

EXISTENTIALLY DISTRACTED

Here’s what I need help with. I’m a junior, tenure-track professor at a fancy research university. I had a baby 9 months ago. Since then I have done nothing other than show up and teach the bare minimum at my job. This summer, I thought I would dive back into researching and writing the book I’m working on. But instead I found myself not wanting to take my son to daycare and not being able to concentrate at all when he was there. I’m worried that I’ll never concentrate again and that motherhood is revealing that I don’t really want my job anyway. I’ve been ambivalent about academia since grad school. But I can’t not have a job, financially. On the other hand, if I don’t start doing some work I’m not going to get to keep it. . .

Malarkey, at 2:50 pm EDT on August 5, 2008

hostile work enviro?

This is actually a question for Theresa. Would you be willing to share what part of OHSU you’re at? As it is a place I’m considering returning to after a post-doc, I’d like to know...

marachne, doctoral candidate at Oregon Health & Science U, at 3:25 pm EDT on August 5, 2008

Tedra, I am a big fan of yours. I read your blog on a daily basis. I have several questions that I would like to ask you. I am so glad that you can be open about your depression. I suffered from major depression in my senior year of undergrad. It was very difficult for me to share those feelings with anyone. I kept it all to myself. I did eventually visit the counseling center at school and that helped me a lot. I am about to start Graduate school and am very excited, but in the back of my head I am afraid that I will slip and fall again into depression. I took SSRI’s for a while but stopped taking them recently. (Based on how I felt and upon doctor’s approval.) My question is, do you ever have the same “uneasiness” in the back of your head. And if so, how do you deal with it? As I mentioned, I am just now entering grad school. I am pursuing an MA in English. I am going to a state university, but my hope is to get into an ivy-league for my PhD. I know that most prestigious programs have only a PhD track, with students starting right out of undergrad. What are your thoughts about getting accepted into these universities with a MA degree. Do you think that it will affect my application in any way? What are most PhD programs looking for in a candidate? Is there anything that I can do now to increase my chances of being accepted to an outstanding university?Thank you for giving me the opportunity to ask you questions about academia.

Rachel, at 3:50 pm EDT on August 5, 2008

My real question is one you probably can’t answer, which is, should I get a Ph.D. (probably in political science)? But maybe you could talk about what you think are good uses for a Ph.D. — especially uses that don’t involve becoming a tenured professor at an R1 institution — and whether they’re worth it. Especially considering the other kinds of experience and work a person could have during those 6-8 years.

(For whatever it’s worth, I graduated about 5 years ago and the other options I’m thinking of mostly involve trying to get jobs making non-profits work better. I love and miss writing, I miss study, I want real research tools in my head, and I also have some serious reservations about the culture and demands of academia.)

North, at 5:20 pm EDT on August 5, 2008

Thanks for your response. I am one of those people who has put off medication, but everything is pointing toward that changing. Doing something to get out of my head would be good too, especially in the winter. The snow is pretty, but I’m one university north of Nicole and winters are so freaking dark here! I am enjoying summer while I can.

brooke, at 9:40 pm EDT on August 5, 2008

Welcome Back to the Salt Mines

Prof O: Glad to see you decided to “go back to school.” Perhaps you’d guest-lecture on comp down in Westwood from time-to-time? My students certainly could use it.

I’d be interested to read in the column how you’re managing with the adjunct life. On balance, and contra the nightmare stories in _The Adjunct Advocate_, I’ve had more good than bad, though my latest gig isn’t all it could be.

Regards to Mr. Prof O,

Prof B

Prof Burgos, Steady Part-timer at UCLA, at 7:45 am EDT on August 6, 2008

Tedra, glad to see you’re heading back to teaching — you’re stellar in the classroom, and considering the kinds of stuff my students hand in on a regular basis, yours will certainly benefit from your writing advice.

To everyone else — she actually is right about the therapist, and in my case, the drugs. Even if you feel awesome when you START a grad program, it’s a completely different animal when you get into it, and it’s not as easy as going to class, then writing comps, then writing a dissertation. It’s a tough gig, and even if you love it and wouldn’t want to be doing anything else, you’re going to have long, often difficult periods when a little support and someone not in your (largely academic) social circle to vent to is a god-send.

AM, at 4:40 pm EDT on August 6, 2008

Going back to school

After a first pregnant year of graduate studies and a summer full of newborn baby bliss I am now returning for a second year. How do I sweep the baby cobwebs from my diaper addled brain? What did you do to get back in the game ?I know I was intelligent as recently as last May and am hopeful I can be once more. Any advice?

newzommy, Rising out of the Fog, at 12:40 pm EDT on August 7, 2008

@ Marachne

We’re in the same discipline. You know — the caring, kind one.

Teresa, assistant prof at Oregon Health & Science University, at 4:30 pm EDT on August 7, 2008

Whoa, whoa, one at a time!

I guess I’ve got questions enough for the rest of the semester, huh? Some of these I’ll address in future columns at more length, but just to satisfy the clamoring fan base, some quickies:

Vance, you want a non-fiction writing course if you can find/get one. UCLA, at least, has them online from time to time; I don’t know where you live, obviously, but that’s what you’re looking for.

Malarky, babies grow up and adults’ goals change. Just showing up and teaching isn’t a great symptom early in one’s career, but then again, everyone has summers where their grand goals fall apart. Give it another year, at least. And you know, there *are* jobs where teaching is the primary responsibility, so if you still like teaching that’s an actual possibility.

Rachel, I did a terminal MA before my PhD program. I don’t know from Ivy Leagues specifically, but all graduate programs want to see a specific, focused, intelligent research plan from prospective graduate students. You know the drill: get in touch with someone at the school you’re eyeballing as you work on your PhD, and start a correspondence about your research. The more pre-professional you are when you apply, the better your chances.

Prof. Burgos, thank you! I thought about you the other day—the Democratic booth at the fair was doing a brisk business, but the Gallegly one was delightfully free of interested inquiries.

Newzmommie, define your “work hours” (and for god’s sake, define them reasonably, i.e., not “all my waking moments"). And when you’re not working, enjoy being a mommy. Graduate studies are much improved by refreshing angst-free breaks doing things other than watching television and feeling guilty. Oh, and keep a notebook or voice recorder in your pocket so that if something occurs to you while you’re making diner you can jot it down real quick.

Tedra, at 8:55 pm EDT on August 8, 2008

oh, and

North, non-profits love people who can research, write and think. But they pay not so great. If that’s okay with you, go for it.

Tedra, at 9:00 pm EDT on August 8, 2008