Archives for Mama PhD

Thanks

This will be interesting to read. At times on the journey to the final goal, the PhD, I wonder if I am going crazy with all that has to be done! Now, I can see what others experience and determine if my struggles are typical! thanks, karen

karen, at 7:15 am EDT on May 5, 2008

Mama, PhD

Thanks! Wish I had access to this kind of blog when doing my Masters a few years ago — while starting a new job, losing my faithful maid after 12 years, trying to get 5-year-old twins and a 9-year-old to settle in a new town and routine, and supporting a husband with a new job. Now I’m on the PhD — finalising immigration plans, getting through the twins’ first exams... I look forward to reading!

Thalyta, at 9:20 am EDT on May 5, 2008

sweet! I used to have to leave my doctoral seminar to express milk in the ladies room — it seemed like the ultimate match of competing needs. But thrilled to have both a child and an education to be proud of. I can’t wait to read more of the blog.

anunreliablenarrator, at 10:20 am EDT on May 5, 2008

As an English PhD student and mother of two, I’ve noticed that most women grad students and faculty are single or married without children. Sometimes I feel like others in the field are unable to relate to me when I need to leave at a certain time in the evening to pick the kids up from daycare or get home in time for a bedtime story. It seems that both the academy and family can be all-consuming, so it’s difficult to find balance. I am so interested in hearing about how other women are balancing family life with life in the academy (teaching, research, writing, service, etc).

PhD Mommy, at 10:35 am EDT on May 5, 2008

“Mama Ph.D.” is a blog whose time has definitely come. I’m a part-time research associate with a two-year old daughter, and completed writing my dissertation during my daughter’s first year. My PT status is ideal for now, giving my a flexible schedule doing work that I love but with time for my family. However, I still often feel very pulled between my various roles, and worry that I’m not doing either one as well as I could or should be. The pull between the personal and professional for academic women can be so intense, yet I think many of us consider ourselves incredibly lucky to have intellectual and emotional lives of such richness. I look forward to the conversations here— and would also be thrilled if the voices of woman from academia in other parts of the world could be included in this discussion.

Dr. Laura, at 11:10 am EDT on May 5, 2008

Mama Ph.D.

As my last of three daughters prepares to graduate from high school I can say that having a Ph.D. while having our children has been very challenging and rewarding. I also took some time off after my degree completion to be with my new born and 2 year old daughters. I taught as an adjunct occasionally, but spent a good 10 years being with each of my 4 children till they were in school full time. I don’t regret it now, as I see they have been very successful, and well adjusted. There wasn’t a day care option for me, and I didn’t have family support to turn to. next spring I plan on attending my own daughter’s Ph.D. graduation. It is full circle.

Stella Hansen, professor at Bay College, at 11:55 am EDT on May 5, 2008

Mama, PhD

I am not a big reader of blogs — who has the time? — but I look forward to this one. I am curious to know how many of us are part of a so-called two body problem (with a partner or spouse who also is in academia)? B/c my balancing act involves being mama to two young children and being partner and colleague to my husband, who is in the same field as I am (but not at the same institution) alongside my own teaching and writing (which frankly is more a wish than reality). On second thought, perhaps “balance” is not exactly the word that I mean ;)

Sallie, at 2:00 pm EDT on May 5, 2008

So, where’s Papa?

As thrilled as I am to see this blog, why am I not surprised that women, not men, are launching this discussion? Women alone can’t “balance” the demands of the second shift. Attention, men: if you’re a hands-on father struggling with similar issues, please contribute — and challenge the powers-that-be at your institution to recognize that parenting is not just women’s work.

Equality Feminist, at 3:10 pm EDT on May 5, 2008

welcome addition

I’m glad to see this blog, although I’ll echo Equality Feminist’s point about the need for balance. As an English professor and writing program administrator with two children under the age of five, I think that we need to publicize the possibilities as well as the challenges of those choices.

dr, at 6:15 pm EDT on May 5, 2008

What a great site. It was actually forwarded to me by one of my advisors! I am finishing my 3rd year in a Ph.D. program and attempting to defend my dissertation proposal next month. I went back to school (in Special Ed and Arts Integration) as a personal goal when my youngest was 1 (I also had a 2.5 year old and a 5 year old). For me, the hardest part has been finding the time to complete the work. I am the “mom” around here in addition to also running a private tutoring business and teaching some adjunct courses here and there. My husband has been incredibly supportive, both emotionally (the end of the semester is always a bear around here) and with child care duty on the weekends and whenever I am “over the top” (which feels like most days lately). As I am finishing course work (tomorrow actually), I feel I can finally see the light; although this last push for my proposal and HSRB approval is taking it out of me pretty quickly. I too, find difficulty in prioritizing and balancing time to get both my “mom” duties done and my “school” work completed. I can say that taking this one has produced a pretty fair amount of guilt for the time I need to take away from class visits at the elementary school, field trips, just goofy fun days in order to get everything done. Some how, by the grace of god or pure and simple perseverance, it all gets done (except the laundry of course!)I look forward to reading about others mom going through this same process and finally knowing I am not alone out there in the dissertation world with three kids hugging my side and an overflowing sink of dirty dishes!

Jenn, Ph.D. Candidate at GMU, at 9:20 pm EDT on May 5, 2008

What a wonder... to find voices which echo so many of my thoughts... I am in a different posiition: as a mother of four: 15.5, 12, 11 and 8.5 and an artist, teacher and aspiring filmmaker, I constantly seek the “answer” for my career questions. I dreamt of being a professor and while my youngest was 2 and I was teaching in a public school board, I started my masters. I soon learned that that would have to wait, and over a decade later, I am dreaming again. I accept that I may have to piece a Masters together very slowly but have been warned that that can be detrimental to one’s success. I also question what the world of academe would be like for me, a woman of 55 by the time I could think of completing a masters and phd program. I don’t believe in giving up dreams, but I don’t want to dream unrealistically! Any thougts are welcome!

Kay, at 10:40 am EDT on May 6, 2008

The Spirit

Thank you Iris! That’s the Spirit... and just the voice I was hoping to hear!

kay, at 10:40 am EDT on May 7, 2008

rain

I’m with Liz (ABCs and PhDs, May 6) on this one. “Young female PhD[s] who hope[s] to have a family and a career” don’t need to be “incredibly discourag[ed]” by moms at home with a PhD. The bloggers here are another kind of role model for coping with the inevitable conflicts between the needs of very young kids and the opportunities of a fantastic career. Different moms resolve this conflict in different ways, and many (like the bloggers here) were genuinely surprised to find that the best thing for them seemed to be to stay at home. I advise my female and male graduate students (who have all gone on to great jobs) to anticipate this conflict and how they will deal with it. But as Liz says, it’s hard to know until you’re in it (and what do I know, anyway, since I’m just a clean-the-floors-and-toilets, take-the-kids-to-karate-and-ballet, clean-the-cat-box, take-out-the-trash, do-the-dishes, pay-the-bills, put-the-kids-to-bed-at-night tenured professor dad).

dr.dad, at 5:05 am EDT on May 9, 2008

English Language

Thanks Kay. Sorry, am returning to this site after long. I forgot to mention that I started my Ph.D only after my husband had died!!I could not have done it when he was around as he was sick and I had to care for him. Also,frankly, most Indian men dont like to see their wives studying and being smarter than them, even though we do concede that they are the chief breadwinners etc and keep a low profile always..here in India. Have just come back from the USA and see the younger generation of Indian men very different!Good for them. A student of mine, who acted in a play for me after getting permission to do so from her guide(she was writing her Masters’ thesis ) had a baby, soon after! She did not tell any of us and we did not guess either.She was so slim and though I did the costumes too I did not notice! That should take care of the intellectual vs emotional/physical aspect of all our efforts to be scholars and mothers and wives!!Iris

iris, retd.prof at United Theological College , India, at 7:00 am EST on November 6, 2008

I was a member of the first class of women to graduate from Dartmouth College and in that capacity traveled to San Francisco last weekend to celebrate with other alumnae the 35th anniversary of when we pioneers first stepped on campus as members of the community. There were panels of alumnae describing their careers in business, technology, education, the arts; others talked about politics, service, and “the road less traveled.”

One classmate who had dedicated herself to the once-traditional and honored role of mother and homemaker told me she wanted to pull the covers over her head and stay in bed the next morning, so diminished did she feel in comparing her accomplishments to her fellow alumnae. I had wondered whether the trend of more recent grads of top colleges to pocket their diplomas and plunge straight into marriage and family would be reflected in this group, but I think those who chose that route stayed clear of the conference, probably fearing that their choice would not be honored and celebrated.

There were frank discussions of ageism and sexism, the frustrations of balancing career and family (especially with two working parents), but little talk about the multiphase career that can offer a good solution to both the fluctuating stresses of different periods of life and to the boredom that finally afflicts many, despite the successes they have wracked up. That strategy is particularly useful for women, but something that all workers should learn to deploy, as your stat of three careers, ten-plus jobs suggests. Hope you’ll focus on that subject, as solution.

Tish O’Connor, at 8:30 pm EDT on May 6, 2008

Amen to Chapters!

Thanks so much for your comments, Tish and Christina!

I was just talking to the Mama, PhD co-editor Elrena Evans yesterday about the idea of “having it all” but not “having it all at once.”

Miriam Peskowitz says it so well (and has the research to prove it) in “The Truth Behind the Mommy Wars” — most women (and men) want to be able to have phases of career and family, part-time work options when they are in the heavy parenting years and re-entry options if they leave for a time — not feel constantly torn, judged and unsupported because they can’t give 100% to both work and family at all times from age 25-55.

I focus on the idea of “Having Enough” in my current work because I really am saddened at the anguish I see so many “overachievers” going through as they beat themselves up for not reaching the highest point, at the earliest time, doing it all, etc. This is why Harvard started their “Success-Failure Project” and why Alexandra Robbins wrote “The Overachievers” — the epidemic of educated people feeling a constant lacking/failure must be addressed, both personally and societally.

My goal here will be to help people get the resources they need to choose the best path for themselves, and get there with perhaps a little less anguish because of the support they find here. And I already know from experience that, for most of us, that path is a winding one (with on-ramps and off-ramps, as Sylvia Ann Hewlett wisely supports!)!

Megan Pincus Kajitani, at 5:00 am EDT on May 8, 2008

the simple life

I agree with Libby that the days of lactation and childcare were relatively simple compared to the days of teenage dilemmas, but that doesn’t mean they were easy; I think she meant mostly that they required less thought. When everything you do in your life as an academic demands a high level of complex thought, it’s like reading for too long without looking into the distance to rest your eyes—you can get to feeling over-extended and strained before you know it.

Jeanne, Kenyon College, at 10:05 am EDT on May 6, 2008

the simple life

Elrena, Jeanne’s got it right—it’s less physically taxing these days, but some days the intellectual changes are really wearing. Still, physical exhaustion saps mental energy, too—I remember days when, really, all I could muster in the way of conversation was “where’s your pretty smile?”

Bob, we all want a wife, don’t we?

Libby, at 12:55 pm EDT on May 6, 2008

Can It Be Done?

I am currently a PhD student and mother to two daughters, 7 and 8 years old. I would like to wrk part-time by teaching adjunct until my girls leave for college and then compete for a tenure track position. That means when I go on the job market I will be about 8 years out of school and about 45 yrs old. Do I have a chance of competing for a tenure track position at that time? Obviously, I’d need to continually teach part-time and publish and present at conferences. But, even with that activity, do I have a chance of getting hired for the tenure-track?

PhD Student Mom, at 5:00 am EDT on May 8, 2008

“but we should have it”

Libby, I thought it was interesting to hear about how you do not always know what you need. Until I came into the experience of being a mama (of a girl age 4 and a boy age 1), I really had no idea what I needed — and then it was a little too late to organize and agitate for it ;) So, I think it is important to respond “I don’t need it, but we should have it.”

I teach a course on the anthropology of reproduction, and I see its value not only in terms of anthropology, but also encouraging college women (and men, if they would enroll, but that is another story) to imagine what they should be entitled to, not just how to cope with what they are allowed.

Sallie, at 2:25 pm EDT on May 8, 2008

Why is this blog described as being about “mothers attempting to balance parenthood and academics” when the majority of the contributors have completely left academic careers? If IHE wants to have a blog about stay-at-home moms with PhDs, that’s one thing, but call it what it is.

jcl, lecturer, at 9:05 am EDT on May 7, 2008

resistance or opting out?

I think we need to recognize that there are all sorts of academic careers besides the traditional tenure-track ones. Some of the bloggers are tenured professors (I’m one), but others continue to make their mark in the academy outside that structure. As Caroline and Physiology Mama note, that structure isn’t always supportive to academic parents; Liz and her colleagues represent an important voice in this discussion.

Libby, at 9:50 am EDT on May 7, 2008

Leaving the tenure track

I don’t have any doubt that many women leave a traditional academic career track in favor of staying home with their kids for very good reasons, but I also think the decision is usually influenced by bad reasons as well—the fact that gender equality has not been achieved in society at large or academia in particular. Progress, which I do see, is not the same as equity. I left my tenured job nearly six years ago to stay home with my children. This year I’m back in a new job trudging up the tenure ladder again. I love my job (and my kids), and I deeply appreciate my new university’s willingness to hire me “mid-career,” but I do think a system which forces me to choose between full-time work and full-time childcare is in need of further revision. I paid a stiff penalty in terms of rank and salary when I left my job. Having choices is great; those of us who can afford to leave the tenure track (or any other job) are surely among the most fortunate; but the fact remains that our work in the home raising the next generation of cancer researchers and police officers and airline pilots is not recognized financially, and, in fact, is punished when we do return to the labor force in many ways.

Megan, at 1:00 pm EDT on May 7, 2008

I just wanted to reply to jcl’s earlier post with a comment on the diversity of parents out there balancing parenthood and academics. There is a full continuum of approaches to balancing academia and family. On one end there are those who sacrifice in time spent with their family to develop intensive careers. On the other end are those who choose to make sacrifices to their career, and fit in what intellectual persuits they can around working as primary caretakers for their children. Of course there are all sorts of other strategies in between. The primary caretaker option is where Liz, Susan, and myself fit in. We still have the passions that drove us to get our PhDs and do post docs; we think as academic scienists, we write, we publish, we teach, and despite the fact that academia is limited in its flexibility so that our contributions are not financially supported by any academic institution, we do not feel that we have “completely left academic careers”. We are committed to connecting people in similar situations (and we know you are out there!) in order to work out creative strategies to make academia (and academics) more inclusive in recognizing the potential contributions of full-time parents with doctorates.

Dana, co-blogger, ABCs and PhDs, at 5:00 am EDT on May 8, 2008

Expanding Definitions

I think one of the issues common among all of the Mama, PhD contributors is the realization that our definitions of many things change and evolve over time. Our definitions of our top priorities, of success, of career, of time itself...

Rigid labels and ideas about what constitutes being “an academic” don’t serve any of us well. (Remember, as someone else pointed out, the traditional definition of an academic was a male professor, period.) There are now women and men who have earned top degrees at top institutions who want flexibility to have academic-related careers that go in phases (time off, supported re-entry), and don’t follow the restrictive all-or-nothing path. (And, as someone else pointed out, there aren’t enough “all” jobs to go around to all the PhDs anyway!)

Opening our collective minds to allow academic work to take on different forms, different phases, and different definitions can change policies, structures, attitudes, and a culture of academe that excludes too many. We can work together (not rail against each other) to help this opening occur.

Megan Pincus Kajitani, Mama, PhD Contributor, at 5:05 am EDT on May 9, 2008

The Myth of Balance

Thank you for your post! I agree with the other respondents about the complexity of the choices we face as women in science. I had my first child the year I went through comprehesive review and my second the year I tenured; the timing could not have been worse! Those experiences, along with my work as a mentor and coach to many parents in academia, have convinced me that balance is a myth- the fact is that at certain times we have to make choices, as you have, to prioritize one thing over another, and the other thing is on hold or gets less attention. The trick is to look at the whole tapestry of academic and family growth as a marathon, not a sprint; sacrificing effort in one sphere to favor another from time to time creates a gestalt that *is* balanced in the long run. Good for you, and enjoy the time with your kids- it goes fast.

Mary, Professor and Academic/Life Coach at Powerful Mind Coaching, LLC, at 9:30 am EDT on May 18, 2008

Man, Della, you can write. Thank you for writing so beautifully a story about being a math mom. I feel that you understand a part of me that others can’t.

Write on so that I learn more about myself!

Deanna, at 3:05 pm EDT on May 8, 2008

Anjalee, I love this post! The image of you with the highlighted hair that still tangles into a knot...so perfect.

And kudos to you for encouraging your student to stay in your class. I look forward to reading more!

Elrena, Coeditor at Mama, PhD, at 3:35 pm EDT on May 9, 2008

As a college career counselor I find that “What Colour Is Your Parachute?” by Bolles is a wonderful manual for phd changers. That and having someone help them with a resume’ grounded in reality and not the never-never land of the ivory tower.

Greg

Greg, at 12:30 pm EDT on May 12, 2008

Answer for Lyn

Hi Lyn, and thanks for writing. Without your full story I can’t give a concrete answer to your question, but I’d like to try to help:

Reading your question, I immediately wonder if you’ve done any interview training and had your resume critiqued by a career counselor on your campus (or off)? While I know often outcoming PhDs’ skill-sets may not match non-academic or staff job descriptions exactly, I also know that getting a job is mostly about being able to present yourself as someone the interviewer wants to work with, take a chance on, get to know better, have on the team. I’ve seen it happen time and again. I’ve also run enough on-camera interviewing workshops to see the light bulb go on for many a PhD student that they could be presenting themselves better.

When I got my job at UCSD, I had no official experience as a career counselor, but I had a very well-presented cover letter, resume and interview; I had thoroughly researched the field, done informational interviews with people in the same kind of position, and (according to Bobbi Gray, a long-time career counselor who convinced the team to take a chance on me, and later became a mentor to me) my passion and potential came through.

Also, I had done some volunteer positions (and paid ones, like resident advisor) that had related skill-sets. I’ve seen these kinds of experiences with other grad students get them a job. So I also wonder if you could do some volunteering to show you are committed to the kind of work you are interviewing for. This could be with the grad student association on campus, a non-profit, a school, etc. It could only take one of these to put you over the edge.

So, my quick thoughts are: interview training, resume/cover letter critique, and some related volunteer work. In short: how you present yourself trumps direct experience in most job searches.

Hope this helps a bit!

Megan Pincus Kajitani, at 5:00 pm EDT on May 12, 2008

thanks

Thanks for the great advice. I have seen a career counselor several times and she has been very helpful in crafting my resume and cover letters. I do get through to the interview stage so perhaps I could use some interview training so that I can present myself as best as I can. I shall keep you posted!

lyn, at 9:30 am EDT on May 13, 2008

From someone who left academe...

Such spot-on advice, Megan! I knew I didn’t want to go into academia after prelims but, after a long struggle, finished the diss and then happily moved on. I’m now writing books, speaking, and consulting — and I share tricks of the trade of doing this kind of thing over at my blog, Girl with Pen (www.girlwithpen.blogspot.com). For all those considering this trajectory, it’s high risk, but incredibly rewarding! I’ve never looked back, though I can’t like: I definitely miss the steady paycheck.

Girl with Pen, at 6:35 pm EDT on May 23, 2008

Thanks to my Mother’s Day off, I actually got to read the Sunday Times magazine on Sunday, and haven’t stopped thinking about this article since. Your take on it resonates with me, and of course the parallels you draw between sports and the academy are really thoughtful. One of Mama, PhD’s essayists titles her piece “One of the Boys” and describes how her ability to accommodate herself to the demands of the academy, to be the male modeled “ideal worker” (in Joan Williams’ term) ended once she became a mother. Something’s got to give, and women have historically been the ones making the sacrifices to work in the academy. Now the academy is starting to make gradual changes to accommodate parents better, and I hope it continues those steps, to meet its academic parents more than part-way.

Caroline, Coeditor, Mama, PhD, at 11:50 am EDT on May 13, 2008

two comments

I think society needs to change. Many other countries such as Canada, the Netherlands, etc. have a much more supportive environment for families. By not having more supportive conditions, there is a big waste of intellectual capital and that is one of America’s biggest assets. Although I agree that the SWAT idea is not good from a financial rewards perspective, the innovation of capitalizing on human capital is a good one. We need innovations in the workplace that balance supporting parents and supporting using the human resources we have available in parents who want to and choose to spend more time with their families.

As for the sports issue... I agree with Jeanne’s comments that there aren’t enough “recreational” sports options for girls or women. I wanted to play in a women’s “recreational” soccer league but they were a little too cut throat for me. After getting hurt at the first game due to the aggressive nature of the league, I quit playing. As someone who played soccer from age 8 through college, it would be nice to find a league that is about being in shape and having fun not trying to kill each other to win! I have to go home and take care of my family and go to work and my injuries don’t heal as fast in my 30’s as they did in my teens and early 20’s!

Physiology Mama PhD, at 8:45 am EDT on May 14, 2008

Mama, PhD

Susan, I took my “full leave,” but it was only six weeks. I’d have loved to stay home with my son for a full semester, but that option wasn’t available to me at the time. I was fortunate to have my husband stay home, but juggling two classes (I had a one-course “research reduction” that semester), service, a second-grader and an infant was difficult; I don’t really remember that semester at all.

Libby, at 5:25 pm EDT on May 14, 2008

terminology

The comment about Mark serving as “wife” indicates a need to be clear about the terms “husband” and “wife” which are not necessarily sex-linked. In Old English a “wyf” was a woman, but it came to be more of a role than a gender, thus we have “fish wife,” “ale-wife,” “midwife", and “house wife” usually indicating a woman doing those things — but not necessarily. Today a man can be a midwife and a housewife is not necessarily married. Likewise “husband” (house-bond) was the head of a household whether married or not, and a woman could “husband” a farm and a widower might “wyf” a house. Even today a woman can “husband” her resources. So a husband and wife are such not simply because they are married to each other but because of the role they have acquired through the marriage — but might still have without the marriage. So, increasingly in a contemporary marriage, a man and woman can make decisions about the roles they will play in their relationship and the terms “husband” and “wife” should be freed of sexual connotations for that purpose.

Chris, at 7:10 pm EDT on May 19, 2008

Assistant Pig-Keepers Unite

The only thing new about SWAT is the acronym; society has been powered by SWAT for a very long time. It’s not just the occasional seed pod class that’s enabled by SWAT; it’s all the room mothers across the country. It’s all the women who volunteer at food banks and blood drives. It’s all the women who take care of their elderly parents, drive their disabled aunt to her weekly doctor’s appointment, and help out the sick neighbor with grocery runs. It’s all the women who work in childcare and preschool programs for minimum wage. It’s all the women who take the adjunct jobs and the secretarial jobs that offer “hours convenient for moms with school-age kids” without benefits or hope of advancement. Although it is nice to be acknowledged as “smart” women instead of just “stay-at-home-moms,” the idea that we can be had for cheap isn’t exactly new.

There are, of course, many men who do similar work without pay (or much pay) as well, and their willingness to share the burden is to be appreciated, I’m just annoyed that someone has put a shiny new coat of paint on a very conventional idea (we can get a woman to do it for less than a man) and tried to pass it off as innovative. I don’t in any way blame the women who jump at the chance to design the marketing campaign for a new brand of cupcakes instead of baking the cupcakes for the 3rd grade Arbor Day celebration one month—I’d have done it myself when I was staying at home too—I just don’t think we should accept the claim that this “new” approach is a “great opportunity.” Smart Women with Available Time have been working for cheap for a very long time. We should thank them all (and the men standing in the trenches with them), and work harder to get them health care benefits.

In one of my favorite books, The Book of Three by Lloyd Alexander,the young protagonist, who lives on a small farm, complains that he isn’t anyone important, and his mentor promptly gives him the title “Assistant Pig-Keeper.” Taran’s moment of pride quickly evaporates when he realizes that despite the fact that he has a new name, he still has to feed and water the prize pig—just like he always has. SWAT looks like an awful lot of Assistant Pig-Keeping to me (though if it is any inspiration, he does, eventually become an acknowledged hero of the very best sort!)

Megan, at 11:05 pm EDT on May 19, 2008