Archives for Mama PhD

This is so exactly the question that I’ve been itching to ask that I’m having a hard time believing that I didn’t ask it myself. I too am looking forward to seeing any additional responses.

Rivikah, at 4:55 am EDT on June 30, 2008

Flat-tops are out of vogue, anyway...

My wife just returned to her PhD program after taking a few months off to have our son, and our take on it has been something like “Yes, this is crazy, but it would be even crazier on the tenure track!”

I don’t know how universal our experience is. We’re pretty fortunate in that I’m able to work & study from home so I can keep an eye on our little bundle of joy (he’s in my lap right now) and we were able to get university housing just across the street from her department, which means that he’s just one text message and 5-7 minutes away from breastfeeding at all times.

But the flexibility in grad school seems a lot higher than the flexibility we’re likely to find on the tenure track. (I am in absolute awe of those who manage to start a family and an academic career at the same time.)

So my advice is: Yes, it’s a little crazy, but flat-tops are out of vogue, anyway... if you really want a family, starting now might be as level-headed as it gets.

Best of luck!

Alan, at 7:35 am EDT on June 30, 2008

grad mom

I’m single and I did a MA pregnant, giving birth nine days after graduation, and it was easy, lovely, but I was in an atypical program at St John’s’ college. I did a second Masters, starting when my son was almost two, and with a little help, finished on time, with honors in the thesis, but again, not a typical program, @ St Andrews in Scotland — and everyone was very supportive. Working now as an Associate Prof and Dept Chair at a CC is much, much more challenging with a young child than grad school was. Each of us has to decide what we can handle and what works.

MAMAmama, at 9:35 am EDT on June 30, 2008

I had my first child after I finished my course work. I’m now working on my research in social sciences and pregnant with number 2. I’m hoping to submit a draft of my dissertation before this baby is born, then a take a few months off before my defense. I wouldn’t say this is at all ideal or the way I’d suggest doing it, but we decided we couldn’t wait until everything was perfect if we wanted a family. Our financial situation will be tough because my husband is working full time and taking grad courses part time. Fortunately I have some scholarship money to help. After the baby I’m not planning to get an academic career because I’m not willing to put in the hours required for that type of work. I’ll likely look for some consulting work or some part time work until the children are older. I may look at something at a university or college in student services or a similar field but I won’t be pursuing an academic career. My husband is working on his second masters degree plus he is required to take courses as part of his job so we’re likely to be living around an academic community for the next number of years.

mommy with another on the way, at 1:30 pm EDT on June 30, 2008

what works!

I am approaching my last semester of course work and have a 3 year old daughter, who by the way, is awesome! I was pregnant with her over the last year of my Master’s work.

I think being pregnant while writing the disseration is kind of ideal! It is better than being on the tenure track with lots of classes, students, and research dead lines to contend with. I have my little one with family during the day while I work as an r.a. and teach one class and at night, my husband takes over while I am in class.

It is amazing what being a Mom enables you to do! You will be balancing more than you know and you will do a fantastic job at it!

best wishes!

leslie, Doc Student at UTEP, at 4:05 pm EDT on June 30, 2008

do what you feel deeply & what your department will tolerate

Different departments have various responses to reproducing graduate students. In my graduate department (philosophy), women who took time to have children during the dissertation were somewhat scorned (as I heard in the ABD writing groups)that I joined to stay motivated.

In any case, there were tales of women losing committee members over pregnancy, but they are hard to measure. Take a cue from your colleagues. Has it been done before in your department? Last, you have to do what feels right in the moment as these situations will come and go over the next ten years. If you really want to parent, listen to your heart and be practical. For the record, I finished my dissertation and then had a baby. During these first two years, it has not been easy to get back on the writing track although managing childcare and teaching has been easier than I expected.

phree, at 6:50 pm EDT on June 30, 2008

Don’t wait!

It will be much easier to have a child as a graduate student than to do so after you graduate. I finished my Ph.D. in 3.5 years and then had a child my first year on the job market. Your chances of being hired in that case are almost nil, as I found out. No other job, academic or non, will give you the control over your schedule and the flexibility of workload that being a full-time student does.

One secret at least in the humanities is that hiring committees don’t really care if you take four years or five years to finish, but your degree will not be enough to get you on the tenure track after more than a year or two out of school. Stay in longer, begin your family as a student, and then apply for jobs while your degree remains “fresh.”

habeas, at 4:00 pm EDT on July 1, 2008

I think most Mamas get better at multi-tasking when they have a baby and you get more efficient too and more motivated as you want to have time to spend with your family. I echo many others, you have to figure out what is best for you. I whirled through by biosci PhD program in 5 years and was working 80 hours weeks at times so it wouldn’t have worked for me to have my baby then. However, that made me realize an academic job would be just as demanding if not more so as I would have also had to be teaching and getting grants and publishing. So I choose to wait to have a baby when I had more work-life balance but I achieved that by choosing an admin academic job where I work 8-5 (more or less) and then I had a baby. If you think you want a tenure track position, you will probably have more time and flexiblity now then you will later. As for money/financial resources, if you breastfeed, use cloth diapers (you can even buy them used or borrow from someone who is between kids), make your own baby food and shop at yard sales or used baby clothes places you won’t find that kids are that expensive. The expensive part is childcare but if you and your partner can work out a schedule you will be able to avoid that or you can maybe get subsidized care due to your status. One thing is make sure you are ready for life to be school/work and baby, I don’t know many parents who have much time for themselves, grad students or not.

Physiology PhD Mama, at 12:30 pm EDT on July 4, 2008

Useful and thougt-provoking

This sort of information ought to be provided for everyone entering a Ph.D. program. My own alma mater would have never provided it as status was achieved in part through bragging-rights about how many students landed jobs at top tier universities. Those of us who landed jobs at other institutions (often by choice), who landed no job at all (often through no explicable fault of their own), or who chose other career options, simply disappeared from the landscape. It is hard for ambitious Ph.D. cnadidates to realize how difficult and unpredictable the path from a graduate seminar to a tenure track job can be—and that they ought to consider other outcomes when they make the committment to begin.

Megan, at 12:25 pm EDT on July 8, 2008

Hi,I am new to this websites,and also a mother of three who is planning to get her Phd; However, I need a little advice from some experts (experience). I have a BA in accounting and a BA in Finance. I currently teach elementary...cerified in elementary k-k & ESE k-12. I am thinking about getting my Phd in Educational leadership or in Business. My ultimate dream job is to teach at the university level. What should i do? P.S I also have a MBA.

Cassandra Melbourne, at 3:05 pm EDT on July 21, 2008

Gender and indespensability

I think you’re on to something, Libby, when you connect the mental trap of indespensability to mothering. While I’m sure some male academics fall victim to this mind set, I see this as a gender issue—for example, the idea that a mother is uniquely qualified to organize the household and nurture children. In terms of academics, I think the trap of indespensability is more pronounced in the area of service — when overfunctioning faculty take on more than their share because “no one else will/can do it.”

Doesn’t that sound like a mother’s lament?

On a personal note, I’m beginning a year- long sabbatical that coincides with the end of my period as department chair. I am delighted that my small department can cover my courses and administrative duties, but I’m sure I will be slightly dismayed at not being missed!

Aeron, at 10:50 am EDT on July 8, 2008

Aeron, have a great sabbatical! I’m just coming off mine, and I still fell into that trap, directing two honors theses while I was “away.” I enjoyed it, but I think I need to remember that life does go on without me!

Libby, at 9:00 pm EDT on July 8, 2008

S.R., good point. I hope it’s clear that I’m not suggesting one simply leave one’s job frivolously for others to do; rather, I hope that we perhaps consider when/whether we are truly the only person who can do something. As Aeron suggests, often academics (and mothers) “overfunction,” doing jobs that aren’t really “theirs” or only “theirs” to do. The flip side of the myth of indispensability is learned helplessness, of course, when folks think they can’t do something because they never have. If one group overfunctions, the other group comes to believe they don’t need to stretch.

Libby, at 2:35 pm EDT on July 9, 2008

NTAs and motherhood

I am finishing my doctorate hoepfully over the next few months so I needed to line up employment for the fall (financial support needed to support our family of five children). For a few years now, I have been maintaining our School’s website as part of my assistantship when I was in class full-time and I have a master’s degree in Communications. I proposed to our Dean that I continue with this kind of communications work and teach two classes each semester, combined into one full-time (but flexible) position. He agreed to this non-tenure track, part academic/part administative job, and now I qualify for full-time benefits! I still plan to finish my dissertation this summer/early fall but I think I have found a solution that fits. You never know what you might get (a non-traditional solution) if you don’t ask!

Alicia Schatteman, at 1:55 pm EDT on July 10, 2008

This is a great post! For those of us who do not want a full-time academic position, finding a way to stay in the academic world can be a huge challenge. It has taken me four years to figure out a situation that works for me. Glad to hear there are others making this work, too.

JenniferEB, Great post!, at 4:00 pm EDT on July 15, 2008

It takes a village.

I remember reading a piece in my undergrad student newspaper. It was written by an Indian student who was finding her voice after years of marginalization in the American South. Among other things, she wrote of being stared at when going about with her family with her nose ring and saris. It stopped me cold, because I knew I had stared at South Asian girls — not as oddities — but as beautiful princess-like visions draped in gold and silk and long, thick braids. How I envied them!

From this point in my life, I can see that staring and typing are to be avoided, even if there are positive associations. The point I want to make is that, even in Memphis, TN, I was raised to value cultures other than my own. My mother exposed me to Spanish and Latin. My father insured that we travelled throughout the country. My city hosted an annual international festival featuring a different country each year, and the festival theme was incorporated into the elementrary schools’ curriculum. Both my grandmothers were into Asian art, and one traveled the world.

Yes, kids can be cruel, but usually in an environment that encourages cruelty. When parents, school officials, and pop culture value diversity, children do, too (as long as they are not made to feel that their own culture is lacking). Since you are concerned about your son, you should make a point to share your concerns with his teachers, so that they can be more sensitive than yours was that Valentine’s Day. You could provide the school library with materials that celebrate South Asian culture. You could be involved with the other parents in a genuine way that reveals both your similarities and differences in lifestyle. In other words, without necessarily getting involved in resolving your son’s conflicts for him, you could contribute to a culture of acceptance.

Dr.K, at 12:30 pm EDT on July 11, 2008

Mothers

The lesbian mothers wrote a letter to the church group, asking that their daughter not be ostracized for her parents’ preferences. Of course, these are the same mothers who told my daughter that they preferred their blonde darling play with other children—not her. Because we are of color? No, we are all white. Because my daughter was the outsider, the one whose mother didn’t belong to the mothers group just as she didn’t to the girls clique.

Maybe it matters more with daughters than sons, but from my thirty years of mothering, it seems to me that half of a child’s acceptance into school groups depends on Mom. Someone has just written a book about this, but rather than add another bead to the rosary of mother’s guilt, I’ll just say, Try to make a friend among the other mothers, one whose son can play with your son as you both have coffee. Just make a pleasant comment at the next orchestra rehearsal or soccer game or as you drop the kids off for school ask if anyone is up for a cup of coffee at the nearest cafe.

Offer to conduct a cooking class in a particular favorite snack for your son’s class, or to bring the beautiful saris for them to hold and drape. Better yet, have your son explain about the the coolest technology or snake or whatever attracts the attention of little boys that came from his mother’s home country. He needs to be confident in his own skin.

Caution: Do not try this in middle school!

Sally Brett, at 12:25 pm EDT on July 15, 2008

Thank you, thank you for your wonderful honesty and congratulations on making a great choice. I fell back into the world of work when our #3 was only a year old, and it has sucked me in faster and further than I could have imagined. We juggle (and juggle and juggle) and I often wonder if the stress in our family life is worth it. Enjoy the time with your children — work will be there when you are ready for it.

C, at 8:55 am EDT on July 16, 2008