Super Nanny was cancelled tonight – replaced by Lost. As if pretty, stranded people battling unknown forces could replace my crack like addiction to Super Nanny. The woman is a Domestic Goddess. She has all the answers. What do I do about my son's constant whining? His inability to stay in his own bed? His obsession with pink socks? Super Nanny is the consummate hero. She flies into a chaotic home with her lists and chore boards and jars of shiny "privilege" marbles just waiting to be confiscated. By the end of the half hour, the family is perfectly in order, from toddler to teenager – a smiling picture of the organized home.
Which is clearly not my home.
I wait all week for Wednesday at 9pm. I'm not sure if I am addicted to feeling superior to other parents, "I'd never leave my two year old with a can of spray cheese in bed at night time" or to feed my guilt demons, "your kids need your time when you are at home – turn off the TV!" What would she say to me?
"Pay full attention to your child – grading papers while letting him watch blues clues is cheating!"
"Don't lie to your son. Does the show really need you?"
"Don't be lazy. Put that boy on the toilet every half hour when you are home. Unless you want him a mama's boy forever."
Ever notice that once you start a family any possibility of adding the word "super" to your name becomes remote? I seldom soar into class with a perfectly planned lecture/discussion/workshop. I rarely can commit to seriously super scholarship. Somehow a career dedicated to excellence and a paradigm built around your child coming first collide. One day you wake up realizing the furthest you feel comfortable traveling abroad for research is watching Pingu on Sprout TV.
I suppose Super Nanny being cancelled might be saving me a little grief. Perhaps a little imperfection is the sign of a normal loving home. I am also guessing Super Nanny probably never had to find special "not-made-in-the-same-factory-as-peanut-products" cupcakes for daycare, visit the registrar to correct grades that Blackboard botched and breakdown/memorize a monologue for a summer workshop all in one day.
Well. Perhaps I am a little bit Superhero after all. I mean not like I did all that – but it was on my list. It's a start. I got the cupcakes! Drama Mama powers activate, form of….