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Sweet Baby Lettuces, People
February 15, 2007 - 1:08pm


Your entries to the “One True Sentence” contest prove you’ve seen and heard some things. No wonder you have that mad gleam in your eyes.

It was difficult for Mrs. Churm, but with two sons of her own, she chose, “I’ve seen both of my brother’s crying at the same woman’s kiss that left marks on them that looked like welts, but was only lipstick.” So Noah wins. Noah wins.

Noah also came in with a last-minute entry that has me worried for him: “I have gone to see the recruiters several times and am always excited about the possibilities I am qualified for but too afraid to commit to.” He should be pleased with his prize of Starbuck’s drawing of Batman defeating the Strawberry Bars, a model for ridding the world of evil-doers.

(Starbuck got it in his head that I’d be mad if he said “bad guys,” so he slyly replaced the phrase with “Strawberry Bars.” I have no problem with “bad guys,” but I’d rather they not be drawn in ink on the living-room wall. By the way, Noah, your drawing cost me one dollar, so enjoy.)

I’m glad I didn’t have to choose the winner, since there were several great entries, including those from a couple of ringers I asked to contribute, from Nick Adams himself, and from my favorite movie psycho, Roy Batty (“I want more life, fucker!”) Anyone who played can send his or her name and address to for a set of business cards. The Fulfillment Division of Inside Higher Ed will have them out to you in 4-6 weeks.


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