Forget ‘Work-Life Balance’

I just want better “work-life balance.”

If that’s you, you’re not alone. This phrase fills the air in nearly every conversation I have with clients, colleagues or friends. Across higher education—amid budget cuts, hiring freezes and eroding trust—employees are reporting a negative toll on their mental and emotional health, and these conditions could lead to the loss of a generation of talent.

No wonder “work-life balance” has become the common desire when life feels overwhelming, misaligned or out of control. But at the end of most days, when we collapse into bed, we still feel like we haven’t figured it out. We are constantly seeking. Constantly unsatisfied.

Here’s the insight I want to offer—gently, respectfully and from lived coaching experiences:

The concept of work-life balance is not serving you, and it may be quietly harming you.

Yes, I mean to choose these words. Let me explain why.

The perspective that follows, along with a few actionable reflection questions, is meant to help you move beyond this overused phrase and toward greater satisfaction in your life—at work and outside of work.

There are two critical reasons this phrase may be working against us. But first, let’s dive into some background.

The Origins and Evolution of Work-Life Balance

The concept of work-life balance can be traced back to manufacturing laws of the late 1800s. It gained new resurgence with the Women’s Liberation Movement of the 1980s. Initially, the concept focused on women navigating career and family priorities, and the conversations soon expanded to include professional men.

Since then, the term “work-life balance” has been present in many discourses, including those of companies aiming to prevent psychological and physical problems associated with employee burnout—which cost an estimated $125 billion to $190 billion a year in U.S. health-care spending.

The intent behind work-life balance was crucial: It helped challenge a culture where work consumed every aspect of life. Now it is time to evolve into the next phase of progress. Here’s why.

Problem No. 1: An Amorphous Phrase Instead of Actionable Desires

All things are created twice: first in our minds, then in reality.

When we say we want “work-life balance,” what does our mind understand?

The phrase is vague, and we can only achieve what we can articulate.

When we are tired, overwhelmed and stressed, it makes sense that wanting “work-life balance” has become our most accessible way to express ourselves.

It’s easy to say. And oddly satisfying—as though we are taking ownership for what we want and inviting (or expecting) others to support it.

But the phrase is not productive. We are stuck, for the most part, because of the wall we are creating ourselves.

“I want work-life balance” has become a commodity phrase. It is amorphous and overused. It hides our real, actionable desires. It is also too abstract to foster respect and empathy with our bosses or colleagues.

When I coach people and hear they want “work-life balance,” I often ask,

It may take a few questions. Their answers are about creating quality, not quantity, across various aspects of life—be it their well-being; intimate, family, or social connections; personal growth; or even the work/career experience.

Once people shift from vague and distant “work-life balance” to specific aims, they imagine something actionable. They start showing up for themselves. That’s when positive change becomes possible.

This personal clarity and ownership also invites deeper recognition to be seen as a human, not just an employee.

If we don’t stop and ask ourselves what we truly want, we risk spending nearly half our lives waiting for something we can’t define. Let’s stop being miserable during all these working years. Let’s start with clarity and ownership, making space for what’s actually possible.

So when you catch yourself thinking or saying, “I want work-life balance,” ask yourself instead:

• What do I want, specifically?
• What does living fully look like to me—either in one area of my life or as a whole?
• If your answers are “away from” words, such as “less stress,” “not angry,” ask yourself: What do I want instead? Name a positive “toward” goal.
• What is one small step I can try this week to move toward that?

Problem No. 2: Balance as Opposition

Metaphysically defined, balance is a point between two opposing forces.

This framing positions work and life as opposites. Whether you are fully aware of it or not, if you define “life” as joy, meaning, growth or connection, then “work” becomes its opposite.

You may unconsciously filter all these life elements out of your work experience—your mind won’t even look for them because it has labeled work as “not life.”

By continuously repeating and hearing “work-life balance,” we are consciously and unconsciously choosing a particular mindset, and mindset plays a significant role in determining life’s outcomes.

Treating work as “not life” carries a significant cost. The average person spends 90,000 hours at work, or roughly 10 full years of life. How do you want to spend those hours?

Often, we miss moments of fulfillment at work because we are longing for the weekend, for vacations, for retirement.

What if we perceived work as an aspect of life—truly for our own better experience?

When we give ourselves permission to see work that way, we stop settling. We begin to notice more opportunities for what matters to us—joy, growth, purpose, impact, connections, even better physical and technical environments, including systems and processes. We might even start our mornings by treating any weekday as a happy day—not just the commonly used “happy Friday.”

With this in mind, take a pause to consider:

• What is my definition of living fully? What is one element of that definition I can experiment with at work this week?
• What is one thing I can do to enhance my workdays that’s within my ownership? For example, how can I improve my physical space, personal organization or connection with others?

Seeing You

As you intellectually accept this message, some of you may still hesitate. You might think, “I need to keep work and life separate. That’s how I can protect my boundaries.”

I get that. Truly, I do. But ask yourself, when, or if, you were successful in protecting your personal space, was it because you raised a “work-life balance” banner in front of your boss and colleagues?

I would genuinely love to hear from you if that is how it worked, because I do not think that’s what likely motivated the outcome.

More likely, you were able to protect what mattered to you not because of your “work-life balance” argument but because your boss, your team or your colleagues acknowledged and respected you—as a person, not only as a professional.

Boundaries are not imposed. They are co-created through mutual respect, recognition and true engagement—from everyone involved.

If you have struggled to set those boundaries, it’s not anybody’s fault. It points to something deeper that may need to shift. Please give yourself some grace and compassion.

Importantly, this reflection is not a dismissal of institutional responsibility, and the growing movement around it inspired by Kevin McClure’s recent book, The Caring University. As the work to change institutions continues, my message is about what we, as individuals within these institutions, can reclaim now to support ourselves: clearer language, greater agency and human-centered ways of engaging.

Ask yourself: Instead of chasing this elusive concept of “work-life balance,” what if I pursued fulfillment in various aspects of my life?

Here’s the reality: The future—and retirement—are not guaranteed. And, even when we get there, we might find ourselves consumed with other responsibilities and activities, which may not fully align with what we truly aspire to do.

The longer we wait, the more we lose.