From Rachel Toor
There's a beautiful comment about mentorship in Ali Smith's novel, Autumn, about a long-term friendship between neighbors nearly seventy years apart in age. The young woman says, after too many years absent and wondering if the elderly man had even noticed it had been a decade since they'd been in touch, "Myself, I thought about you the whole time. Even when I wasn't thinking about you, I thought about you." If you've been the beneficiary of great mentorship, you know exactly what that's like.
Most presidents say that nothing they knew or did prepared them for the job until they were actually in it. Sure, they learned essential and important stuff at boot camps and leadership institutes, though many people say the most important thing they gained from those experiences were peers.
Only a few mention former bosses.
In a conversation with one president, she answered many of my questions by sharing pieces of advice she’d gotten from others, often naming them (though not in a name-droppy way). Her list of mentors, most of whom she had never actually worked for, was long.
While the most common advice former presidents offer to newbies is the (true but perhaps not all that helpful) nugget to "marry the right person," I have heard from many who say the person they really talk to is their executive coach.
A current president who read our recent issue with contributions from a president and their coach, wrote about his own experience: "I am working with a coach, which has been tremendously helpful for all the reasons you note. My top staff person was a bit concerned, thinking people usually get coaches for remediation purposes. I don’t really talk about the coach with my executive team, but if I do, I sometimes use the word 'consultant,' as I don’t want them thinking that getting a coach was something the board insisted/mandated that I do. In fact, I am not sure I even told the board!"
I was surprised by this, since so many leaders not only have executive coaches, but also know to ask for this as part of their compensation package. He replied, "No one mentioned coaching to me until I realized that a few of my colleagues were using coaches. A great resource, tremendously helpful, particularly with board-related topics. Am using discretionary funding, so kind of in the budget, kind of not, but at least covered by the school."
At this point in history, I would have thought most people would realize there's no shame in asking for support. It takes, as most of us have learned, a village to succeed. We all mess up and need people on our side to help us dig out of holes, sometimes of our own making. And also, to prop us up after being laid low by the haters when they don't like what we do or even just who we are (the haters gonna hate).
After I met with a current president and his leadership team, I commented on how well they got along. They really seemed to like each other and I asked if it was genuine and how he'd created such a good vibe. What I knew (from knowing him) is that a lot had to do with his personality. That's something you can't fake.
But I’ll share with you what he said.
