A Proposal for Fundraising

The writer is a former president.

There’s a simple way to raise funds for doing the good work that we do—making the world a better place by educating young minds—with a minimal, incremental increase in moral compromise from what now happens regularly in the most elite colleges and universities in America. 

Not all of them, of course, but at most of the truly great universities, most of the American “ancients,” surely. It will not be hard at all. We can minimally modify our existing systems in which admissions slots at those elite colleges and universities (and so many of us know exactly which ones) are sold in a market, albeit a market that is not visible to the vast majority of students and their families trying to gain admission to these grand institutions. 

We add a single step to the process of submission and formalizing grades of students: The proposed grade lists are pinged against a list of donors or potential donors to the school who have expressed an interest in selected students graduating with the highest GPA possible. 

Someone either in the office of the president or in the development office will communicate with selected donors or potential donors (let’s just call them DPDs—acronyms are so much more palatable!) and if the DPD wishes to have the anticipated grade of the student raised, the contact will arrange a conversation to explore how the school can help the DPD “manifest their vision of impact on society” while helping the school meet its mission. You know that narrative. 

Of course, we will not be so crass as to have a specific price list, though that is the natural next incremental step (the cost of a grade increase would depend upon the perceived difficulty of the course and the proposed grade and the gap between the actual and the proposed grade). The school’s representative will suggest a price that is reasonable (maybe in the form of a question: “Do you think your contribution might meaningfully fit with your vision for assisting our mission at the level of a small scholarship, perhaps $100,000?”) and the DPD will signal acceptance with a knowing nod. Now, because these sums are likely to be smaller than what it takes to get a kid into one of the American ancients, the money will have to be in hand before the grade is changed. 

At some point, we might think of packaging DPDs’ prepaid contributions at the time of admission. Perhaps 10 course grade increases of one level each over the four years of the time of the student (whose admission was also purchased, of course)? But we can worry about the details later.

I know, I know, something about this proposal surely makes you just a little bit anxious. It just doesn’t seem right. But trust me on this one. You and I will soon manage to convince ourselves that it is justifiable when you look at the bigger picture. We will think of it as we already do when it comes to selling admissions to elite colleges and universities: The ends justify the means. 

Think of the deadly diseases we can cure, the scholarships and professorships we can fund, the student centers we can build! Think of how much good can be done with this small incremental moral compromise. And it really is tiny when you think about it, just a small leap from the current circumstances in which every year many of the most selective colleges and universities in the world sell slots for the children of those DPDs. 

I have been told by a knowing young acquaintance that at some elite secondary schools with large populations of wealthy students, the price of admission to colleges is actually well-known and discussed widely within those circles of students. And the level of wealth of the DPD sufficient to gain even interest from the ancients for admissions “assistance” continues to increase. These days, it usually takes wealth of over $100 million for the ancients to be seriously interested. Soon it will be $500 million or even $1 billion.

And, I am told, that one clue that a purchase (let’s stop calling these “donor admissions,” shall we and call a fig a fig—they are purchases!) is in the works: The student seems strangely confident of getting into a somewhat surprisingly competitive list of schools. Disproportionately confident, I might avow, in light of their academic, social, and athletic record during a first meeting with the college admissions counselor. 

And of course, in a world in which the majority of students at elite private secondary schools, as well as colleges and universities, already earn A’s in most of their classes and with the now widespread use of AI, the moral compromise from selling a mark-up from a B or even a C to an A is nothing compared to selling an admissions slot. We are so deeply compromised already, this small step really is nothing.