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Several commenters have recently suggested a Dean Dad reality show. It's not gonna happen – the pseudonym would be pretty much shot, and cameras don't do me any favors these days – but it's fun to think about.
The pilot episode:
Opening shot – the family at dinner.
(Farting sound)
TB, TG: DADDY!
DD: I didn't do it.
TW: Yes, you did.
(Cut to individual interviews)
DD: I really didn't.
TG: Silly Daddy.
TW: That's disgusting.
TB: (guilty smile)
montage, pop song, commercial break
Sweeping shot of college campus, students milling around, etc.
Shot of DD staring intently at computer screen.
Other dean walks in.
OD: Do you have that list of programs that haven't done their annual reviews yet?
DD: I think so. Let me check.
Shot of DD typing intently at computer. Montage, pop song, commercial break.
Return from break. Shots of autumnal campus, attractive students, city buses.
Speeded-up footage of middle-aged people walking into meeting room. Repeat three times.
Speeded-up footage of us walking out. Speeded-up music on soundtrack. Commercial break.
Return from break. Emperor's Theme from Star Wars plays against shot of office.
Kim Kardashian enters.
KK: I'm Kim! I just decided spontaneously to show up here unscripted for no particular reason!
DD: Who the %&^#(*)% are you?
KK's cell phone goes off. Ringtone of current pop hit. She leaves.
DD makes Jim Halpert face at camera. Montage, pop song, closing credits.
Scenes from next week:
Other Dean: Could you believe that?
Cut to DD, looking nonplussed. Angry faux-punk soundtrack.
Yeah, that should work. There's nothing teenagers like more than watching balding middle-aged people in offices. What could possibly go wrong?
