• Mama PhD

    Mothers attempting to balance parenthood and academics.


Hiding from Kids and Colleagues

A different dilemma on work-life balance.


September 30, 2015

The other day I was hiding on the floor behind the night stand in my parent’s bedroom (I live intergenerationally). It brought back flashbacks to years-ago games of hide-and-seek. In this iteration, however, I was hoping that no one would seek me or, if they did, they wouldn’t find me. I was trying to work from home and had to abandon my home/office to find a hiding place to take a conference call with people on the line, all of whom would not want to hear a child in the background demanding juice or Doritos (two items they know they can get from me when I need to bribe them to be quiet). 

Later, my friend told me about her “hiding” experience. She had to take an important conference call with some business folk, so she left her kids inside with the babysitter and went to sit in her backyard to take the call in hope that her children would not interrupt her. Yet, in the middle of the call, she lost her wi-fi. She then had to keep inching herself and her laptop closer to the house but without the children seeing her because they would immediately insist on her attention. She ended up hiding in a bush outside the kitchen window to finish her call.

Is this the new face of work-life balance?

In an article preceding her new book, Anne Marie Slaughter talks about toxic work environments. She raises important questions about the flexibility of work schedules, advocating for more flexible schedules, changing family structural expectations, and having the ability to work at home. In my own experience, though, while working at home brings me great flexibility in some ways, in other ways, I think I just create a different type of “toxic” home-work environment. When I’m away at the office, I can simply imagine the wonderful experience my children are having at home, but when I’m home, I can hear every little detail (and sometimes it’s not pretty). When I’m away, my children miss me, but when I’m there but not accessible, I sometimes fear that I’m creating an even greater feeling of rejection for them. During the last winter weather season, I worked in my office during the snow days for several hours, telling the children that I couldn’t be interrupted during this time. My youngest began leaving me “mail” under the door. Letters of her love and her wish that I would write her a letter. Of course, I had to stop writing my report and begin writing that love letter to her.

On the other hand, when the children are at school, working from home is lovely. Last week, I had to work from home because of an unexpected medical crisis in our house. I honestly got more done from home than I ever would have in the office, where my work time is constantly interrupted. However, I couldn’t help but to feel concerned every time I received an email from someone saying they were going to stop by my office to see me. Of course, had I been there, all these visits would have prevented me from getting all the work done. In fact, on several occasions I have had to “hide” in the office. I’ve discovered other faculty doing the same thing.

How much of our lives are spent in hiding to finish what has been assigned to us or we have assigned to ourselves at work?  Do you hide from your family or your colleagues? I’m curious about how others experience and find success in the work-from-home life.


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