Go Ahead—Allow Yourself to Reflect

A few weeks ago, a colleague of mine from the Graduate Career Consortium published an excellent “Carpe Careers” piece on authenticity and the importance of self-reflection as a person and a professional.  While reading and rereading the essay, I started to think about questions of timing for when we do, and don’t, tend to engage in self-reflection.

In my work with graduate students and postdocs, I encourage them to reflect on who they are personally and professionally as often as I can, often through creating and revising individual development plans, or IDPs. I encourage them to reflect when meeting with them after a job interview or after they’ve found a position, and I encourage them to reflect after a job search on what went well, what didn’t go so well and what lessons they learned from their experiences. But what about reflection during a job search?

On the one hand, the idea of reflecting on—and possibly questioning—our career path and job search choices midsearch is a little like questioning a vacation destination midflight or a meal choice after you take your first bite. On the other hand, are there times that reflection during a job search, including during the application, interview and negotiation process for a specific job, might be beneficial? I hope to demonstrate, through a story and some advice, that sometimes reflection in the middle of a job search can be exactly what we need.

It’s Never Too Late to Reflect

Recently, I applied for a position at another university. While I love the students, postdocs and colleagues I work with, I am open to other opportunities, especially in areas and contexts where I can feel safer and live authentically. So, I often look at other potential positions to see what is available and what may work best for me. Earlier this year, I found a posting that I thought might be a great fit and met all of my requirements. But in the end, even though I received a good offer, I declined the position. Why did I do this, and why did it take me to the offer negotiation stage of the process to decide if I was a good fit for the position, and vice versa?

It was a situation where I had all the requisite experiences for the job, and I would have had an opportunity to build a new unit. I was interested in the position because it overlapped with one of my three core areas of professional and scholarly interest. And the job opportunity and the organization aligned with my professional and personal values, allowing me to feel safer being my authentic self.

But as I got closer and closer to a job offer, there was something inside of me that felt unsettled. I had told myself to stay focused, to keep my eyes on my goal: After all, if the job wasn’t a good fit, why would I have applied? But something still didn’t seem right—not about the position itself, because the job aligned with my skills, interests and values. Instead, there was just something I couldn’t name that made me hesitate when I thought about accepting the position.

So, I allowed myself to reflect—to think deeply about who I am, what I value, what I’m good at and why I do what I do. While reflecting, I realized that while I am highly skilled at what that position was looking for and the job aligned with my interests, the position wasn’t what I’m best at or most interested in. I could fulfill the job’s responsibilities at a high level and like what I would do, but my best skills and highest interests were in a different but related area—preparing future faculty for teaching, training and mentoring roles.

I also would have had to walk away from my clinical-track faculty position, which I worked hard to earn. But most importantly, I would have had to let go of a set of skills and an area of practice that together are deeply rooted in who I am and why I do what I do, and I would have regretted letting go of those parts of myself.

I realized all this as the final interviews were happening, and just a day or two before I received a job offer for that position. So, I declined the offer, even though I had been on the doorstep of accepting it.

I know that I had the privilege of declining since I have a job I love, working with a group of students, postdocs and faculty, and not everyone has the security of a current job or a backup plan. If I didn’t have a job at the time of that offer, I would have accepted it as a great opportunity—and it was—and would have found positives either in that position or what that position prepared me to do. But at that time, in that situation, it wasn’t the right job for me.

Making the Right Decision for Me

Sometimes, reflecting on a major decision can feel like we are complicating everything. In my story, it felt that way, and I still struggle with feeling that the timing of my decision negatively impacted that organization’s job search. I wish I had reflected on this earlier, but I also am thankful that I could see what was most important to me. I don’t regret my decision, and I don’t regret the reflection process that I let happen because I have developed a new appreciation for my work in preparing future faculty and a desire to let my work in that area be my professional legacy.